Representing SIN!

I hate being sick. This is my 9th week of being sick. I got a little bug early January, then by mid February I went to Urgent Care and got some antibiotics because it was a sinus infection. It is now March, and I am still sick. I am so sick of being sick and tired. My energy is gone. My enthusiasm is diminishing, and I just don't feel like Bre. I know, I know. I am Bre. But I don't feel like Bre.
I'm not one that rests very often. Most people, like my mother, attribute this to why I am still sick. I don't fully understand what resting means. Granted, I have gotten better at it as I've gotten older. But I'm still not great at it.

Usually, when I get sick, I think God is trying to tell me to rest. He wants us to rest. He wants us to be healthy and well. He's given us our bodies and he tells us that they are temples. I forget that.

But what I also think he is trying to show me is a picture of what sickness represents.

We, as humans, live on earth, obviously. As I sit, coughing and feeling so weak, I think of God. In his infinite wisdom, he is allowing me to be sick. He knows that I am a terrible sick person; he knows I'm not pleasant to be around. He knows that I hate blowing my nose and coughing constantly. He knows that I like to be energetic, and I'm not, when I'm sick.

To me, this is a representation of what sin is. We battle sin and temptation every single day, just like I have fought this battle with sickness for the past 2 and a half months. When I'm sick, I take vitamins, medicine, and other things to pump my body full of things to fight off the sickness. It's the same with fighting our spiritual battle, we have to read the word, listen to worship music, and fill ourselves with Jesus. How appropriate this lesson is on Easter week.

Today is Good Friday. Today, we remember so many years ago that Jesus hung on a cross for our sin. In just a few minutes, so long ago, the sun went down and pitch darkness filled the earth for three hours. Then, because of his love for us, Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they know what they do." It is a Good Friday. Jesus took the punishment for our sin.

The veil was torn.

Jesus died for us. 

He is with us, 

now and forever.

The Story That Has Captured My Heart

It takes me leaving, just for a bit, to gain perspective. I have to sit back, sip my coffee and talk to God. Some of my best thinking is done when doing a mindless task, like washing the dishes. I think, pray and try to reason with God. It may sound silly, but it happens.

As I sit, staring at the beach, I reflect on the events of this past week. I finally went to the doctor, and found out I have bronchitus. I have 4 different medicines. I found out exciting things and sad things from friends this week. I have to pray about a decision I have to make that I thought was already made. My week has been one of much diversty. I have cried, prayed, thought, thanked God and sat to listen.

I am not in control. God has given me the gift of compassion. He has enabled me to live a life that is touched by so many people. I get to listen to others stories and engage in them with them. I am sought out for counsel or prayer. I don't understand why.

But I do know that it is not of me. I have been trying to do my life myself for the past few weeks. I haven't been seeking God first and foremost. My pride has come to the rise. And God wants me to recognize that I can't do it myself. He is showing me how to rely on him more and more every day. He is teaching me how to be a woman that seeks his wisdom. He wants me to understand my identity as his child, a princess in the Kingdom, and my role here on earth. My story is not my own. It is just a tiny, infinitesimal part of his story. But he cares so deeply, and immensely about me and my well-being.

How do we live a God centered life?
How do we give ourselves wholly to him?
How do we pursue the things that he desires more than our desires?
How do we align our hearts to his?
How do we be the change we want to see in the world?

It is just a glimpse of His glory

There are glimpses of vulnerability.

They tend to be few and far between with people. Especially, those who are closed off and have a hard time trusting. People who have an easy time sharing their heart, it usually comes in glimpses. You see it for a second, maybe a minute, then it is gone.

It is so beautiful. God intended for us to share our hearts with others. It is a privilege to know the heart of a person. We were all created to have emotion.

On Thursday, I sat down with a missionary friend of my parents. I knew him when I was younger. Before I turned 13, he left the church to become a pastor elsewhere. As we talked, I saw a glimpse of his heart, his passion and his purpose. His name is Chris and he is the Director of Missions. He works with an organization called Go To Nations. Their mission is to go to all of the nations.

He showed me a slide show that his wife put together. It is a short presentation about what human trafficking is; there were statistics and facts. Some I knew, some were new to me. But the pivotal moment was hearing the story of one woman. He knew her name, her story and her imprisonment. She was a slave, left by her owner at the prison. As he told me her story, he began to cry. This man risks his life on a regular basis, but he sat before me and cried. They weren't big tears, it was a soft tearful remembrance of this woman that he couldn't help. This man was showing me, allowing me, to see his heart. In that moment, I knew what Jesus looked like when he wept. I saw the heart of Jesus in this man. It was an honor and a privilege. It is a memory I will never forget.

Jesus has a heart for the poor and the needy, the bruised and the broken. He has asked us to have that same heart. Chris's heart exemplified Christ in a way I have never seen. Jesus desires for all of us to feel that way. He wants us to help, to build relationship, and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.