Inability

I really and truly do not understand humans. Most of the time, I can't even understand myself. We had a guest speaker at college group last night, who has spoken to us before. The man throws down. Like you can see the Spirit speaking through him. It was so great to hear him. 

Yesterday was rough. I spent all day doing homework and trying to recuperate. My stress level has been extremely high lately, and I just needed some down time. And what better way to do that when I'm house sitting. But I knew that if I went to college group, God had some words for me to hear...and they were not going to be pleasant. I knew conviction would come, and come it sure did.

We've been going through Luke for the past few months. This week we were on chapter 10. One of my struggles lately has been feeling like I'm not good enough. (If you saw my last post, Enough, you can read more about that there and the truth that God brings in it.) The speaker was saying that so often, we think that we have to some great person to be a disciple of Jesus. We have to have it all together and know what the future holds. But that's simply not the case. God spoke very clearly to me in that moment, he said
                  Bre, you can't have expectations too high for yourself.
"But Lord," I replied, "I have to, or no one else will. I have to hold myself accountable to be the best I can be."
                  No, I'll take care of that. Just let go. Let me have control. 

 Northern Ireland missions trip (2008)

 The speaker went on to say that sometimes we want to be in the most comfortable place so we can have maximum control. Then we freak out cause we lose control. Pastor Paul always talks about how we need to "figure it out." That's his catch phrase. There are shirts. And yes, I have one. People ask him why he says it and he says, "figure it out." What I think he's saying though, is not to just figure it out on our own, but figure it out with God. We are incapable of figuring things out on our own. It's only through God that we can do that. I don't know about you, but the greatest things in my life have happened when I have let go. The speaker then gave us the example of a missions trip. When we go on a missions trip we literally have no control over any situation. We have to give control to God, because the trip is not in our area of comfort.

When we judge people, we are attempting to be God.
When we try to control, we are attempting to be God.

That is one of the biggest insults to God that we can make. I do this all the time. I suck. Thank God, he extends grace and love. This is not the intention of my heart, but I do it anyways. My battle with this sin is ever present and raging.

This week has been hard and at every turn, I just feel like a mess. The shame and guilt that has been my constant companion, is not from my Father. He reaches down and picks me up and carries me along the beach. This journey that you and I are on with Christ, is not one that is walked alone. No, my friends, it is meant to be walked together. As we grow in relationship with Christ, we have to lean on God for understanding. He is the only way we can know him better. It's crazy and it doesn't fully make sense. Regardless, we just need more Jesus. In every situation, we need Jesus. That's it.

It's also been a hard week in loving people. If you've ever met me, you know that that is my goal, to make everyone feel the love of God. This was what God showed me...

My inability to love people stems from 

the inability to love God

and be loved by God.

 
What a humbling moment that was. Is this what your heart is feeling right now? I encourage you to examine your heart and allow God to speak to you. He will show you what needs to be changed. But you have to have an open heart and open ears to see and hear how he wants you to change.

Seek Jesus. 

Run to Him. 

Let him guide you. 

Let him have control. 

He'll do a WAYYYYY better job that you can do.

Enough

This is the time in life where everything changes. I have been told that over and over again. I understand it. Because that has been the pattern for a couple years now. Friends come and go. Some stay. Regardless, there are lessons learned; lessons taught. Words are spoken, only a few are heard. Incredible amounts of coffee are drank, so we can continue to be awake. Students have graduated, family is growing up.

All of these things seem to dictate our world. But the one thing that holds us close is time. There is never enough time. Or there is too much time. There's no middle ground. It's never good enough.

Enough.

That word intrigues me. Although some may say that they can attain their ideal when there is enough of such and such; they don't really mean it. Because contentedness is not something that Americans are well versed in.

Definition of enough.

"Occurring in such quantity, quality or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations"


Honestly, I've never liked the word enough. Because society always tells people that they're not good enough. That is constantly what we strive to be; good enough for others.

Am I good enough? 

Maybe you don't ask that outright. Maybe it is an underlying theme in your life. Maybe you strive for being good enough without even realizing it. But here's the thing. 

You ARE good enough.

There is no measure of how good enough you are. But when it comes to what God thinks of you, you are good enough. You are exactly who you are supposed to be and he loves you for that. This is one of the truths that God has been speaking to my heart lately. I don't have to prove my worth to anybody, because I'm good enough. 

This is a truth that is a reminder of the greatness of our God. No longer must we prove our value. We are valued and enough for our God. It is never a competition of who can be the best Christian. No, sir. You are good enough. That truth sets us free. Live in the truth.  

With

Every single time I've tried to write this week, I just can't seem to think of anything to say. But when I don't have time to write I can think of a billion things to say. Oh well, I'll try anyways.

There have been a myriad of events lately. I'm not in control of any of it. I don't want to be, most of the time. I think that I'm just tired. I haven't been sleeping well, and I've been having super weird dreams... It's kind of obnoxious. But at the same time, I know God is with me.

Wow, now I get it. That's what God has been trying to get through to me. He is with me.

That is powerful. The truth that we choose to ignore, is the truth that we need the most.

God is with me.

God is with you.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and 

be content with what you have, because God has said,

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

So we say with confidence,

"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. 

What can man do to me?"

Hebrews 13:5-6