Rainstorm

To say I've been thinking a lot would be an understatement. Well, I mean I think a lot on a general basis, but recently, God has just been pounding me with stuff. And yes, I literally mean POUNDING. It feels like a rainstorm that hasn't stopped.


But here's the thing...I love rain.
So the rainstorm, is good. Because it's been teaching me a lot. He's been revealing more of who He is to me, but it has been so much all at once.


Where to begin...


Just like my blurb at the top of this blog says, "A heart searching and yearning more and more for her Savior." I've never been able to say that that is more how I feel right now, than ever before. Except that I'm also ACHING for more of Him. I wish I could describe to you just how much I desire to know Him, to put myself in last place, and have my vision just be encompassed with God. But there's always so many things getting in the way of that. It always seems to be something new. Granted, my life changes in the most rapid pace. As I sit here writing this my eyes fill with tears, because I am so moved by His love.








I've been going through this Bible study with some girls and the book that we're doing is called Be Transformed. We call it the Book of Pain. It is a hard book to go through. You have to want to be transformed to even read it. Some days, I just can't take it, and so I don't read it. That's how intense it is. Unfortunately, because of life, I haven't had a great opportunity to read it and learn from it. But I sat down this week and started going through lesson 4. It is entitled Getting to Know Our Heavenly Father. I thought I knew how I viewed God. I thought that I was good with it and my perception didn't need to change. But man was I wrong.

Our Perception of God Affects the Quality of Our Lives

There are 5 different perceptions that people have of God; the authoritarian father, the abusive father, the distant/passive father, the accusing father, and the absent father. All of these are skewed views that we have of God because our earthly father. Generally, we view God as we view our earthly father because that is the example that we are given. We aren't shown love from another man until later on down the road. But as a child we see our fathers and can't help but look at God the same way. It's the learning theory. There are dire consequences to seeing God in these ways. When we look at him with our skewed perspective we're putting him in our own little box even when we don't realize it. One of the things that really got me in the book was this line, 

"the way we treat and relate to others reveal a lot about how we see God." 

It just hit me. And this long spiral of memories of how I treat people came crashing through my brain. I had to put the book aside for the day and just think of that, ponder that one truth. The way that I treat people and relate to people shows my view of God. How humbling. I realized that my view of God was not what I thought it was. My instant thought was, 

I think of God as legalistic cause that's how it was growing up. 

I would love to say that I live in God's grace, I know it, I feel it. But the reality is that I don't. I know it in my head, but it's not engrained in my heart yet. I'm still trying to shake off 18 years of legalism. Almost 3 years ago my parents started this journey called the Grace Walk. And since then, grace is becoming more and more prevalent in our lives. Sadly, my heart hasn't been changed from the legalistic mentality yet. I strive to not be legalistic with others. God has so changed that in me, He has ripped that part of heart to shreds. And replaced it with a love that is not my own. That's not to say that I don't have bad days, we all do, and I feel like mine are more often than not. 

THEN God's grace overflows onto me.

Isn't that funny, God shows his grace constantly. That's how we're able to be his children. 

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -- and this not of yourselves, it is the gift of God --

Ephesians 2:8 

Right AFTER that line from the book is a verse that spoke volumes to me. 

In this greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory. 

1 Peter 1:6-8

Read that one more time and really read it. Take it slow, and let it soak into you. 

My friends, God knows how you think of him, how you view him, how you perceive him. He knows all of those things. He knows your doubts, your desires, your heart. And he still chooses to love us. To hold us close. To have open arms, when we turn our backs. To forgive. 

A few nights ago I was talking with some amazing, Godly people at Grove Coffee late into the night. And forgiveness came up. I don't think about God's forgiveness much, honestly. Cause I figure he's forgiven me and I have nothing to worry about. But when it comes to forgiving others, or asking for forgiveness, it doesn't come that naturally. It's hard. The reality is that God desires us to forgive the way he has forgiven us. We are TOTALLY forgiven by our Father. 

 ³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. ⁴ For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love ⁵ he^[b] predestined us for adoption to sonship^[c] through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— ⁶ to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. ⁷ In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace ⁸ that he lavished on us. 

Ephesians 1:3-8

Our Father has made us acceptable and delights in us. 

"The LORD your God is with you,
   the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
   in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
   but will rejoice over you with singing.”

Zephaniah 3:17 

Accept one another, then, 

just as Christ accepted you, 

in order to bring praise to God.

Romans 15:7

But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation—

Colossians 1:22

We must CHOOSE to renew our minds about God. 

We must CHOOSE to act and react according to who God IS.

I really want to encourage you to think and pray about how you view God. That affects your relationship with Him more than you think. The way we think about God can be altered if we ask Him to do so. Let His grace wash over you. Be consumed by His love. Take inexpressible joy in His forgiveness. Show each of these things that you learn to those around you. Strive to be more like Him. It will come. 

Help

Asking for help is not my strong suit. 

Some of my friends have the same problem.

The funny thing is, I WANT to help. 

I want to be that person that other people know they can depend on. 

Well, I kinda am. Some more than others. 

But generally, they know I'm there. 

They know I'll drop everything if they need me. 

That's just who I am. 

Oddly enough, I don't know how to ask. 

What I figured out today is that asking is taking a risk. 

It's got to be without expectation. 

So you don't get disappointed. 

But honestly,

I have no clue how to do that. 

Think about it. 

When asking a question, 

you expect an answer. 

I'm a question asker. 

Just not a help asker.

Ha. I'm funny. 

Anyways, 

question asking is easy.

You usually get an answer when you ask a question. 

You all know that, it's not rocket science. 

But when asking for help, 

you have to go into expecting nothing. 

Less disappointed that way. 

But it sure does show you who you're real friends are.

Unfortunately, those people that you think are going to help you, won't. It's hard not to become bitter towards those closest to you when they can't give you what you think you need. Most of the time people surprise. It's the last person that you can possibly think of that is willing to help, and the first that doesn't seem to care. 

CARING

That's another one I'm havin a hard time with...

So many people show they care in so many different ways. 

I'm that person that if you tell you care, I believe you, unless you show me differently. 

But there are people who just care without saying anything. 

Which I can see, but I'm a verbal person. I like to hear you say it AND show it. 

Call me crazy. 

But really, look around you. 

Who do you know cares about you?

How do you know that they do?

One of my friends told me recently that most people don't cater to how you need to be loved and cared for. It's true. 

Most people don't take the time to show you how they care. 

Even if they care a lot. 

I want to encourage you to ask people how they want to be shown that you care. 

Then strive to do that. So they know.

I also want to encourage you to ask for help without expectation. 

I don't know how to do it either, but we're in this together. 

Let me know how it goes :)

Just Be

How many times in a day are you told to just be?

NEVER

It's always do this, be that, say something, laugh this way, talk that way, move side to side, blah blah blah. I can't remember the last time someone said, "Just be." 

Expectations play a huge role in this world's society. I know I've been harping on this lately, but you gotta understand that expectations run deep through me. All my life I've been looked at as someone with "great potential." I hate that saying. Don't tell me that I can BE something later. I AM someone now. Right this second. It may not be what the world considers great, but what does that matter when my King thinks I'm wonderful. The Creator of the universe thinks I'm perfect. 

Because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. 

                                                          Hebrews 10:14

Each day I am being made holy. Each day you are being made holy. Living in Christ. Seeking his will. Understanding that he is SO pleased with you. You can just be. 

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. 

Ephesians 2:10

"I'm a disaster."

One of my friends said this during our conversation, and ever since then I've been thinking about it. My reply was simply, "Aren't we all?" It's true. We may all hide it, but it's the truth. The disaster that you are is completely different from someone's else's disaster, but we're still a disaster nonetheless. You may choose to be quiet about it or you may choose to share it with the world. Either way, it's there. But we have to remember that God is in that. He wants us to acknowledge that we are HIS disaster. He wants us to let him work in us.

More importantly, he sees us as perfect and he wants us to see ourselves that way as well.

Did you see that?

Read it one more time. 

More importantly, he sees us as perfect and 

he wants us to see ourselves that way as well.

All to often, we forget that. We forget that the God of the Universe chose to love me, accept me, cherish me just the way I am. And the best part is that he sees me perfect. Each and every lie we CHOOSE to believe is ridiculous in comparison to what God says is truth. So who are we to think less of ourselves? Who are we to say that God's opinion isn't enough? Who are we to call him a liar? Yeah, that's what we're doing when we don't see ourselves as he sees us. 

And you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. Colossians 2:10

He has the power to bring truth to each lie we believe. But how often do we let him? 

I want to encourage you to battle those lies, speak truth into your life and live in our Lord. He is so good and wonderful and excellent and praiseworthy. Give him those things. Know that you are who he has created you to be. So, just be. 

Little Things He Does For Me

I guess sometimes I just don't know why I believe the things I believe, or why I think the things I think...

But today, this quote hit me, in the gut, in the heart, right where it made me understand why I hate lying. 

"The worst thing 

about being lied to

is knowing that you 

weren't worth the truth."

My hope is that I'll make a mark here. I don't want that mark to be for me, for my glory, no, I want it to be for His. His glory alone. I want God to use me in such a way that I know is not of myself. God is able to us beyond anything else that we think is possible. But with God, anything is possible. Anything. 

For example, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was going to get a B in this one class I had this semester. I knew it as soon as I left the class after my final. I was gonna get a B. And I was gonna have to be okay with it. I just kept remembering that it's not about WHAT I do, it's about WHO I am in Christ. My grades, my performance doesn't matter. It just doesn't. It's about living in His grace. My identity does not lie in the things that I do. My heart behind it is so much more important. I checked my grade later that day. You know what? I got an A in the class. Impossible in my mind. Literally, impossible. But it happened. I got an A. Only by the grace of God. Honestly, I don't think I deserve it. I could've worked so much harder in that class. Yet, God, in His amazing grace, chose to bless me, with an A. It may sound silly to you, but that's how I needed to know this. That's how God knew He could get through to me. He knew. And He knew I would listen. 

It amazes me that He is so gracious. That He takes the time to show us the things we need in the way that He knows we need it. Why? Beats me. But He does. He desires that! 

You're probably thinking, "What the what?!?!" Right. I know. I think the same thing. 

That's just another testament to the grace of our King. 

You just can't be everything to everyone.

Sadly, this took me a looooong time to figure out.


I'm tired of people making me feel guilty for the things I can't do, or be.
I'm tired of people expecting something and then not giving grace.
I'm tired of trying to be the person that does everything.
I'm tired of feeling expectations that may not be existent.
I'm just tired...of trying to be perfect.
Even when that's not what anyone expects of me.
It's my expectations of myself.

There you have it. I want to be so many things to all people. I can't. I fail miserably. But my God redeems. My God is God of the Universe. He chose me. He loves me. He loves that I talk to myself about how I was right. He loves that I hate feet. He loves the way I relate to people. He loves me when I fail. He loves me when I sin. He loves me unconditionally, all the time. He loves me when I don't deserve it. He loves me as I'm over analyzing something. He loves me when all I want to do is cry. He loves my enthusiasm. He is full of grace. He is FULL of grace for me. He just loves. All the time. And the only reason is that...

 I'm His. I'm His. I'm His. 

When that security is what I rest in, I'm free. I am free to live and breathe and sing and dance for my King. That freedom is unmatched by anything else in the world. I just have to remember that every day. I love it. Go God. 

Rhythm and Balance

Rhythm: an ordered recurrent alternation of strong and weak elements in the flow of sound and silence in speech

Balance: stability produced by even distribution of weight on each side of the vertical axis

Music. Tight rope walkers. Justice. Dancing. Keeping time. Unison. Gymnastics. 

There are about a billion other things I'm sure you can think of when you hear the two words rhythm and balance together. But those are the ones that come to my mind. At college group on Thursday we went through the first chapter of Genesis. I know what you're thinking, oh Genesis...yay, what a great beginning. Then you move one. Well, honestly, that's what I think about it as well. It never really moved me the way the beginning of say, a movie, would. It's a start to the world as it is. But unlike the history of the world, I don't think of it like history. A story of the past. I think of it of another time. Another place, long ago, with very little relevance to me. But my college pastor's wife was saying that the way God created things is about rhythm and balance. She went on to explain more about how God intended us to be balanced and rhythmic, but we, as humans, are not. 

And of course, this got me thinking. She asked us what reading that passage was like for us, if there was anything that popped out at us when we heard it read and had the perspective of God creating a rhythm and balance. You know what I thought...boring. Having rhythm and balance sounds uninteresting. I'm just being honest here, so bare with me. I continued on this train of thought for a while. What it would be like to be in complete rhythm and balance in our lives. No emotional highs or lows, no drama, steady, and outright boring. But truly, what do I know? My life is hardly rhythmic or balanced. I like it that way. There are highs and lows and they bring me closer to my King every single moment of every day. How could that be the case if there was perfect rhythm and balance every day. But then I understood that I missed the point. God intended for us to look to him to be the rhythm and balance in our life. Now granted, this was only the first time that she'd spoken on this topic and we have weeks yet to come. Then I kept thinking about how opposites attract, whether it be in relationships or friendships. Those opposites attract because we DESIRE to have rhythm and balance. Think about it. 

How often to do think of yourself wanting that? 

How often do you think God wants you to run to Him for that? 

Performance

I don't even know where to start. I could go back a really long time, 

or just a short amount of time. 

Well, I'll just start and see where it takes me. 

So last weekend I went to Virginia for Miss Lydia's birthday party. I had been wanting to go for about a month and a half beforehand but I was waiting to see if one of my friends was gonna be able to go. Which means that I didn't buy my ticket and just waited to see if I was going to go. My friend tells me that's she's gonna go and that I need to buy a ticket out there. But me being me, I didn't buy one cause they were already like $330 and for some reason I thought they were going to go down in price. Yeah, stupid Bre. But hey, I'm a college student. It's hard to spend large sums of money. And yes, that's large to me. 


For 2 and a half weeks I pray. I pray that God will provide me a ticket. Meanwhile, I'm checking online literally everyday watching the price for this ticket. The one ticket that can take me where I know God wants me to be. I pray hard. And I believe. I have the utmost faith that will provide. Because all this semester, God has shown me his provision in a new way. Honestly, I think that moving out of your parents house is the best thing to help any person understand God's provision.   If you don't know fully how he provides, believe that he is going to do the impossible. 


Anyways, I've been praying for 2 and a half weeks and I've told numerous people about trying to find a ticket and not knowing where it was gonna come from. Then on Wednesday morning, my big brother (from Grove Coffee (come check us out!)) tells me that he can get me a stand by ticket. And it's only gonna cost me $196 and change. Low and behold. God provided me a ticket within 2 days of when I was supposed to be leaving for VA. That's how good my God is. He provides for me in a way that is ridiculously awesome. Plus he knows I needed to get away for the weekend. 


And I had a marvelous time. Not only was it great to see some of my best friends, but God just met me there. We had such a great time of revelation and refreshment. I just can't begin to understand God's love for me, but it's there. And it's constant. It's all the time. His love is full of grace. 


Grace. That's what I forget about. My mind is so focused on being the best, doing the best, living a life full of Christ. Getting A's in school. That's where my identity can lie. I'm pretty sure it's a first born thing. But it's also a Bre thing. Or as some call it, a Breism. Yup, I just went there. But God is so good. And he just showed me how much he wants me to live in his grace. His grace is the reason that we're saved. Grace. Grace. Grace. 


For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith -- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. 

                                                                            Ephesians 2:8-10

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 

Ephesians 3:17-19

Then the second part of that grace is living in love. This verse above was PERFECT for that. I wish I could understand fully the depth of God's love. But I don't think I ever will. But I know that I am loved, that is something I live in every day. The love that God shows us is so vast and unexplainable. When I think about it, it blows my mind. To bits. Go God!

Do you live in God's unconditional love? 

If not, how come?

Ask God to change you're heart. 

To help you live in his unfathomable love. 

Cause it's magnificent.

Lately...

It's funny how God teaches us things. 

Seriously. He is so precise for each one of us. I can't even understand how, but he knows each one of us in the most personal, intimate way that one person can know someone. And even more so because He's God. Every person that I pass in the hallway at school has a story. And God knows it, and their name, and what they'll do, and how they'll do it. Every person that we don't know, has a story. They have a reason for how they operate, what they say and how the look at others. Sometimes it just fascinates me to think of that stuff. I just sit and stare and wonder. Yes, I'm that person.

What blows my mind is that He gets excited to just talk to us. 

I don't know what to do. 

Like, I get excited about stuff. 

And people can't handle it, most of the time. 

But, if God gets even more excited than me then 

that gets me excited! 

It should get all of us excited. 

I mean really. 

God LOVES that we talk to Him. 

You know what that makes me want to do?

Talk to Him more. 

Don't you?

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances;

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18