To give some background, my heart has been hurting for so many of my friends lately. So one night, I couldn't sleep and I wrote this. They don't know it's to them, but it is. This is my heart for them.
I wish you could understand how much He loves you. I pray that you see that all the things you want in life are meaningless without Him. I wish you could be content and not have to go doing things you might regret. I pray that you'll fall flat on your face with nothing. And crawl to Him on your hands and knees knowing you don't deserve it. I pray God grabs a hold of you by the shoulders. I pray for your heart, mind and purpose to change. I pray that God will show me how to be a better witness of His kingdom to you. I want you to see that all you need is Jesus. That He's all you'll ever need. But it's not now. It won't be soon. I know this, because I know you. How many times have I wanted to get your attention fro Him. How I have failed you, my friend. I'm truly sorry. Please know that more than anything, I want you to know Him like I do. He is my world. He can be yours too.
I know that most of us have friends that we feel this for; keep praying for them.
Love never fails.
God is love.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Truth, Justice and the American Way
How unjust is this world? How often do we actually live in truth? The American way is just another way of saying that we want to be rich.
I can't help but think this world is nothing but unjust. People thrive in their lies, but they remain dead inside. I don't know how it is possible for the authorities in this world to not be overwhelmed with guilt. Yes, we are all fallen. No one is perfect. But how are people okay with watching the injustice, allowing the lies to become truth, and only be concerned with their status.
Sometimes this world just makes my heart sad. I have to admit, there are days that I just want to be with Jesus. Heaven sounds mighty fine.
I was talking to one of my pastors today and he told me that people are messy. It's just as painful walking through and carrying the burden of someone else's pain as it is for the person dealing with it. Welcome to my life. I get the privilege of hearing other people's stories. More than anything, I just want to live life with people. That's my heart. But man, I'm not gonna lie, it's hard. Watching someone you know and love make decisions that you don't agree with. Giving advice that is never heard. Understanding that it's not my responsibility, but His.
My heart has been so burdened for the souls of many.
What do I do? Pray. Pray a lot. And cry. Cry for those people who need Him more than anything. They don't see it. One day they will.
I can't help but think this world is nothing but unjust. People thrive in their lies, but they remain dead inside. I don't know how it is possible for the authorities in this world to not be overwhelmed with guilt. Yes, we are all fallen. No one is perfect. But how are people okay with watching the injustice, allowing the lies to become truth, and only be concerned with their status.
Sometimes this world just makes my heart sad. I have to admit, there are days that I just want to be with Jesus. Heaven sounds mighty fine.
I was talking to one of my pastors today and he told me that people are messy. It's just as painful walking through and carrying the burden of someone else's pain as it is for the person dealing with it. Welcome to my life. I get the privilege of hearing other people's stories. More than anything, I just want to live life with people. That's my heart. But man, I'm not gonna lie, it's hard. Watching someone you know and love make decisions that you don't agree with. Giving advice that is never heard. Understanding that it's not my responsibility, but His.
My heart has been so burdened for the souls of many.
What do I do? Pray. Pray a lot. And cry. Cry for those people who need Him more than anything. They don't see it. One day they will.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Saying No
Apparently, I have this problem saying no. I think what it comes down to is the fact that I'm a busy person. Most of the pastors at my church say that busy people can always make time for more. That is so me. Everyone knows it. Usually, I have at least one person tell me that I need to say no to things. I don't want to. I really like getting to have a hand in things, being responsible for stuff, and making time for new things. Yeah, that's me. But seriously, it can be unhealthy sometimes. Okay, most of the time.
Because when you say yes to most everything, you hardly get any rest time. Today, I got called a ray of sunshine. Hearing those things helps me know that what I'm doing and who I am is not of myself. There is no possible way that I could be the way that I am without God. Which means, the answer to saying no, is asking God for the ability to do so.
For I am the LORD your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
Isaiah 41:13
Because when you say yes to most everything, you hardly get any rest time. Today, I got called a ray of sunshine. Hearing those things helps me know that what I'm doing and who I am is not of myself. There is no possible way that I could be the way that I am without God. Which means, the answer to saying no, is asking God for the ability to do so.
For I am the LORD your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
Isaiah 41:13
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Responsibility, Change, Truth
Let me take a minute and talk about the burden of responsibility.
Responsibility is something that I was given long before I knew the concept of it. I'm a first born :) You probably already know that by now. Anyways, even as a younger child, I knew that I was responsible for a lot more things that any of my friends. Granted, there were people who understand, like other first borns, but at the time, we didn't know. As I've grown up, I have seen other people come in and out of my life who were amazingly awesome people but they sucked at responsibility.
The textbook definition of responsible is:
"liable to be called on to answer."
My definition:
"the person who gets in trouble if something goes wrong."
I'm not at all trying to be cynical. It's the truth though. When you are asked to do something, you are not being asked to do it half-way. You are being asked to do it, and as Christians, we should be going the extra mile for it.
The other night I was getting told that I need to not be stressed so much and just don't worry about it. The problem was that I was responsible for something. And it wasn't so much stressing me out as it would be nice for the 3 people still standing in the room to help. You're right, it's not their responsibility to do so. As I have learned, you can't depend on people. My expectations were too high.
When the pastor comes back to me and asks why the room wasn't cleaned, it's on me. It doesn't matter what my friends told me about the room. They don't have to answer for it; I do. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not standing on my soap box or having a pity party for myself. I'm simply trying to illustrate to you what responsibility looks like.
Then there is also a balance of knowing what you need to take responsibility for and when you need to let go. Most of the time, I end up holding on to responsibility that isn't mine. It's not our job to make sure everything is okay with the people we love and care about. It's not our responsibility to help people change. Cause the reality is that people won't change because of you. It's because of Him.
God is the only reason why people change. One of my friends used to tell me that people don't change. He said that a lot. And for a while, I started to believe him. Then I realized that everyone around me had changed. Their values, their lives, their friends, their ideals, they morals and ethics. People change. Maybe not for the good, maybe for the bad. Regardless, they change.
Don't be afraid of change.
Embrace it.
God will work through the situation and in you as life changes.
Responsibility is something that I was given long before I knew the concept of it. I'm a first born :) You probably already know that by now. Anyways, even as a younger child, I knew that I was responsible for a lot more things that any of my friends. Granted, there were people who understand, like other first borns, but at the time, we didn't know. As I've grown up, I have seen other people come in and out of my life who were amazingly awesome people but they sucked at responsibility.
The textbook definition of responsible is:
"liable to be called on to answer."
My definition:
"the person who gets in trouble if something goes wrong."
I'm not at all trying to be cynical. It's the truth though. When you are asked to do something, you are not being asked to do it half-way. You are being asked to do it, and as Christians, we should be going the extra mile for it.
The other night I was getting told that I need to not be stressed so much and just don't worry about it. The problem was that I was responsible for something. And it wasn't so much stressing me out as it would be nice for the 3 people still standing in the room to help. You're right, it's not their responsibility to do so. As I have learned, you can't depend on people. My expectations were too high.
When the pastor comes back to me and asks why the room wasn't cleaned, it's on me. It doesn't matter what my friends told me about the room. They don't have to answer for it; I do. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not standing on my soap box or having a pity party for myself. I'm simply trying to illustrate to you what responsibility looks like.
Then there is also a balance of knowing what you need to take responsibility for and when you need to let go. Most of the time, I end up holding on to responsibility that isn't mine. It's not our job to make sure everything is okay with the people we love and care about. It's not our responsibility to help people change. Cause the reality is that people won't change because of you. It's because of Him.
God is the only reason why people change. One of my friends used to tell me that people don't change. He said that a lot. And for a while, I started to believe him. Then I realized that everyone around me had changed. Their values, their lives, their friends, their ideals, they morals and ethics. People change. Maybe not for the good, maybe for the bad. Regardless, they change.
Don't be afraid of change.
Embrace it.
God will work through the situation and in you as life changes.
Truth
I know I've talked about truth before. So I'm sure you're all wondering why I'm talking about it again. But it's because it is so prevalent in our lives. Every day we deal with our mind battle. We push out the lies and try to live in truth.
Truth lies in the promises that Christ made us. The promises that WILL be fulfilled.
Go doesn't try to trick us by dangling lies in front of our faces.
NO!
Our God is bigger than that.
He promises us so much and has fulfilled or WILL fulfill each of those promises.
Live in his truth.
Be willing to listen to his promises.
Don't give into the lies.
His TRUTH will set you free.
Let truth be your soul armor.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
People
I don't think anyone fully grasps the joy that I have when talking, interacting and loving people. Sometimes, I don't even understand it until after it's happened. This week I have had such great moving conversations with friends. Just last night I was able to talk with a friend on the phone who recently moved back home after being in Arizona. It was a conversation filled with laughter, catching up and Jesus.
When Jesus was talking about the greatest commandment, he said to love God and love others. Obviously, I'm paraphrasing. Still though, we are called to love others. Love others in a way that is not our own. Cause honestly, people are hard. Relationship is hard. It takes work, support, love, patience.
Just the other day I was reading a blog by a pastor and he was talking about being in relationship. He went over different points that he thought were important to have in any type of relationship. Here is what he said:
1. Begin with the guy in the mirror. (Matthew 22:39 – love your neighbour as yourself). We can only love others to the degree that we love ourselves, and we only love ourselves to the degree that we know the love of God.
2. Be a faithful friend. (Prov. 17:17 – a friend loves at all times). We need to love our friends even when they are being unlovable, for it is then that they need our friendship the most.
3. Speak only encouraging words to everyone. (Prov. 18:21 “the power of death and life are in the tongue” & Eph. 4:29). You’ve heard the rhyme, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." That’s not true. Words can wound greater than sticks and stones!
4. Be friendly to everyone you meet. (Prov. 18:24 – he who has friends must be friendly). If you have a real negative, grouchy attitude all the time, you will have a hard time making friends!
5. Practice love everyday. (READ 1 Cor. 13:4-8a). Don’t just say, "I love you." Love is patient, love is kind, love believes the best, etc.
6. Help people in trouble all the time. (Gal. 6:2 – God wants us to share each others troubles & problems).
7. Pray for one another daily. (James 5:16 – pray for one another). Never pass up an opportunity to pray with someone.
8. Pursue peace with all men. (Rom. 12:18 – as much as possible). This is not easy, but this is very important.
9. Know how to deal with offenses. (Matt. 18:15 - if someone offends you, go and talk to them about it, don’t go and talk to others about it). Jesus said, “Offenses will come,” but its how we deal with it that makes the difference.
10. Forgive one another. (Eph. 4:32 - forgive each other as Christ forgave us). In any relationship, you will have to choose to forgive the other person when they hurt or offend you.
I read these and I really liked the way he put it into words. These are things that can make you a better friend to people. He puts it in a bit nicer sounding words than I would I think. :) But all of these things ring true.
If you've read my blogs recently you've seen how much of a mind battle I've been haivng, and especially while interacting with people, Satan tries his hardest to tear me down. But in those moments when I'm sitting in my car by myself, I just get to commune with God. I find myself praying, constantly...for others. When there is one specific person on my mind I just get to talk to God about them. I don't always know if it's doing anything, but I'd rather pray than just let it sit on my mind. Our minds are vulnerable things. If you've been thinking, stressing, worrying, whatever...I really encourage you to just pray. Take your mind off of what is happening, because the reality is that God has control. He's always got your best interest in mind. He knows exactly what he's doing and it's going to be better than you EVER imagined. I'm being for serious right now. Trust him. And pray :) Lots and lots of prayer.
When Jesus was talking about the greatest commandment, he said to love God and love others. Obviously, I'm paraphrasing. Still though, we are called to love others. Love others in a way that is not our own. Cause honestly, people are hard. Relationship is hard. It takes work, support, love, patience.
Just the other day I was reading a blog by a pastor and he was talking about being in relationship. He went over different points that he thought were important to have in any type of relationship. Here is what he said:
1. Begin with the guy in the mirror. (Matthew 22:39 – love your neighbour as yourself). We can only love others to the degree that we love ourselves, and we only love ourselves to the degree that we know the love of God.
2. Be a faithful friend. (Prov. 17:17 – a friend loves at all times). We need to love our friends even when they are being unlovable, for it is then that they need our friendship the most.
3. Speak only encouraging words to everyone. (Prov. 18:21 “the power of death and life are in the tongue” & Eph. 4:29). You’ve heard the rhyme, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." That’s not true. Words can wound greater than sticks and stones!
4. Be friendly to everyone you meet. (Prov. 18:24 – he who has friends must be friendly). If you have a real negative, grouchy attitude all the time, you will have a hard time making friends!
5. Practice love everyday. (READ 1 Cor. 13:4-8a). Don’t just say, "I love you." Love is patient, love is kind, love believes the best, etc.
6. Help people in trouble all the time. (Gal. 6:2 – God wants us to share each others troubles & problems).
7. Pray for one another daily. (James 5:16 – pray for one another). Never pass up an opportunity to pray with someone.
8. Pursue peace with all men. (Rom. 12:18 – as much as possible). This is not easy, but this is very important.
9. Know how to deal with offenses. (Matt. 18:15 - if someone offends you, go and talk to them about it, don’t go and talk to others about it). Jesus said, “Offenses will come,” but its how we deal with it that makes the difference.
10. Forgive one another. (Eph. 4:32 - forgive each other as Christ forgave us). In any relationship, you will have to choose to forgive the other person when they hurt or offend you.
I read these and I really liked the way he put it into words. These are things that can make you a better friend to people. He puts it in a bit nicer sounding words than I would I think. :) But all of these things ring true.
If you've read my blogs recently you've seen how much of a mind battle I've been haivng, and especially while interacting with people, Satan tries his hardest to tear me down. But in those moments when I'm sitting in my car by myself, I just get to commune with God. I find myself praying, constantly...for others. When there is one specific person on my mind I just get to talk to God about them. I don't always know if it's doing anything, but I'd rather pray than just let it sit on my mind. Our minds are vulnerable things. If you've been thinking, stressing, worrying, whatever...I really encourage you to just pray. Take your mind off of what is happening, because the reality is that God has control. He's always got your best interest in mind. He knows exactly what he's doing and it's going to be better than you EVER imagined. I'm being for serious right now. Trust him. And pray :) Lots and lots of prayer.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Fight, Fight, Fight
13 Therefore put on the
full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able
to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
Ephesians 6:13-18
More than anything, I want to extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one. Because in my mind, those arrows are lies that are shot into my brain. Yup, pretty graphic. But that's how I think. I want every thought that goes through my head to be glorifying to the Lord. It's not so much a battle in the physical for me, but a battle in the mind. And most people wouldn't even know there was a battle raging except that I've said it. The battle of the mind is hard. It's private and not others can always detect unless they know you really well. Regardless, it's the battle that is happening constantly.
Satan wants us distracted and vulnerable. And for me, that's my thought life. But when I put on the full armor of God, it's different. God wants us to be able to stand after we have done everything. That shows me that with all of this stuff I can battle well. Then it tells me to pray. If you don't know, I LOVE praying. Why, just today I had a phenomenal prayer session with my big brother. God is moving, my friends. Choose to see it.
The battle still rages, but I'm winning. Only because of Christ.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
Ephesians 6:13-18
More than anything, I want to extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one. Because in my mind, those arrows are lies that are shot into my brain. Yup, pretty graphic. But that's how I think. I want every thought that goes through my head to be glorifying to the Lord. It's not so much a battle in the physical for me, but a battle in the mind. And most people wouldn't even know there was a battle raging except that I've said it. The battle of the mind is hard. It's private and not others can always detect unless they know you really well. Regardless, it's the battle that is happening constantly.
Satan wants us distracted and vulnerable. And for me, that's my thought life. But when I put on the full armor of God, it's different. God wants us to be able to stand after we have done everything. That shows me that with all of this stuff I can battle well. Then it tells me to pray. If you don't know, I LOVE praying. Why, just today I had a phenomenal prayer session with my big brother. God is moving, my friends. Choose to see it.
The battle still rages, but I'm winning. Only because of Christ.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The Truth Will Set You Free
Emotion.
good; when not over used. bad; when it is all that is.
Joy.
only from Christ. happiness is fleeting. joy stays.
Facial Expression.
shows more than we think. can help people understand.
God gave us our emotions, joy, and facial expressions for a reason. Stand firm in knowing that God is going to use those things in your life. He wants us to remain in Him.
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4
My friends, I implore you, seek Him. For He is seeking you.
5 The islands have seen it and fear;
the ends of the earth tremble.
They approach and come forward;
6 they help each other
and say to their companions, “Be strong!”
7 The metalworker encourages the goldsmith,
and the one who smooths with the hammer
spurs on the one who strikes the anvil.
One says of the welding, “It is good.”
The other nails down the idol so it will not topple.
8 “But you, Israel, my servant,
Jacob, whom I have chosen,
you descendants of Abraham my friend,
9 I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’;
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:5-10
This passage was in the reading for one of the Bible studies that I'm in. God really spoke to me through it. It showed the community that God was speaking about. When all people of all types encourage one another and uplift each other, it brings about community. It doesn't have to be the people that you thought it was going to be. Let God be the one showing you who he wants you to encourage and be encouraged by. Most times, it's the people we least expect it to be. No joke.
Reread the Isaiah 41 passage and really let God speak to you through it. There is so much promise and love that he puts into those words. It's hard to digest the first time. But as you read it over and over, God moves in your heart. Let it wash over you.
The TRUTH will set you free
Monday, September 5, 2011
Hope
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
When the going gets tough, sometimes we forget to hope. There is always a ray of hope that we don't see. It's always there though. Choose to see it. Because when you do, there's more to live for. Don't give up hope, friends. He is our hope.
When the going gets tough, sometimes we forget to hope. There is always a ray of hope that we don't see. It's always there though. Choose to see it. Because when you do, there's more to live for. Don't give up hope, friends. He is our hope.
You
If only I could express to you how much God is doing. I'll try to explain, but if you get lost, just keep reading.
The past month there have so many changes, not just in my life but in the lives of the people I'm around. Beginning of August was the start. I went got my wisdom teeth out, got dry sockets, didn't get any scholarships for school, moved home, took out a loan, figured out I was broke, got my motorcycles license, struggled with stress, failure and believing lies.
Failure. As a first born, I'm more prone to looking at my life and wanting it to be perfect. Yes, I do realize that that is impossible. But that's what I strive for. And when I'm incapable of doing so, I feel like a complete and utter failure.
Pain. Some of you know what it's like to be in pain all the time. It felt like hell. The pain was all I could think about. It was in my mouth, so I didn't want to eat AND I wasn't getting much sleep cause I would wake up after the meds wore off, in pain. Thinking back on it, it was just horrible. There truly aren't words to describe. I would have okay days. But there was a period when I was in pain for like 2 weeks straight. Then it took me another week to get back into a regular sleeping pattern. Even now, I'm still tired. Don't get depressed for me, I'm just setting the scene.
Lies. Then on top of it all, my thought life was just all lies from Satan. Every single thing I thought, I knew wasn't the truth. I was reading my Bible and praying, talking to God. But still, the lies were overwhelming. It felt like too much. The lies weren't just focused on my "failure," it covered everything. How I felt about myself, how other people viewed me, what I was doing with my life, if I was doing the right thing, if I was going to make an impact, and so on. You get the picture.
I can't really tell you to the fullest extent I was feeling. But literally, I didn't feel like myself. I wasn't joyful, happy-go-lucky, find the good in everything Bre. I wasn't what people wanted, expected, or needed, in my mind. That straight up sucks. Because how we feel reflects the way we treat others.
One thing that God has been ingraining into my head for the past couple of years is how my value does not lie in what I do, but who I am. My identity is in Christ. I say that when you first see my blog, and it's the truth. I know that is where my identity lies. Which is why Satan wants to attack that one the most.
Last week, I started school, started my third job and am about to start my fourth. I am going to have four jobs, full-time school and a minimal social life. Which is a huge change from the summer. I just worked and hung out with friends all summer. I did have one summer class, which was good, but it wasn't too hard at all.
Again, my value doesn't lie in what I'm doing, but who I am.
So, you might be wondering, who am I?
I am part of the body of Christ. I am loving, caring, compassionate, kind. I am real, authentic and unafraid. I am my sisters best friend. I am my brothers biggest fan. I am my friends support. I am the person that will listen, or give advice. I am the one that comes to the same coffee shop everyday. I am who God has created me to be. I am growing in my faith, my maturity. I am a servant leader. I am humbled everyday. Because I know that I am none of these things without Christ.
If you and I stopped doing all the things we're doing, God would still love us.
Love is the foundation.
I was listening to a sermon the other night and the pastor said that. Love is the foundation. He told a story about his daughter. When he asks her to do something, she gives him this look that says that no to him. But he knows that she will do it. If only because of her love for him. God gets so ecstatic when we do things for him simply because we love him. How many times do we do things simply because of the fact that we love God? If I'm honest, not many. That thought doesn't cross my mind. I just know that I need to do certain things for him. What a revolutionary way of thinking! If every time I didn't want to do something, and was reminded that I love God and that is my motivation. I think my entire perspective on life would change. Literally.
Being so sucked into my own stuff meant that I completely forgot about other people. Maybe not completely. But mostly. Then BAM! I was sitting and listening to a sermon from another pastor and he was talking about thinking of others as more important than yourself. Living a humble life. And God was talking to me about servant leadership. As this new season begins, I'm finding myself in a leadership role. Honestly, I haven't had one in quite a while. Servant leadership is something that I learned about during my days as an intern, when I traveled around the country with an organization called TeenPact. What I forgot was that being a servant leader isn't just in leadership, it is in everyday life. Moment by moment, we are called to be different, to show Christ. Those are the the moments that being a leader is the most important. Because when you aren't seen as important, but you still be the servant leader on a quiet level, people see the Jesus that shines in you. You're right, maybe no one will see. That's not the reason to do those things. The motive of your heart should be that God wants you to.
You might be a little bit confused cause I was talking about our value not being in the things that we do, then I went on to talking about why we do things for Christ.
When we are rooted in Christ's love, we are living in that and our value is in him, it is a hundred times easier to do things and know that that's not why God loves us. But beware, it is easy to get sucked into the performance mentality that the things we do gives us value.
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 1 John 4:16
The past month there have so many changes, not just in my life but in the lives of the people I'm around. Beginning of August was the start. I went got my wisdom teeth out, got dry sockets, didn't get any scholarships for school, moved home, took out a loan, figured out I was broke, got my motorcycles license, struggled with stress, failure and believing lies.
Failure. As a first born, I'm more prone to looking at my life and wanting it to be perfect. Yes, I do realize that that is impossible. But that's what I strive for. And when I'm incapable of doing so, I feel like a complete and utter failure.
Pain. Some of you know what it's like to be in pain all the time. It felt like hell. The pain was all I could think about. It was in my mouth, so I didn't want to eat AND I wasn't getting much sleep cause I would wake up after the meds wore off, in pain. Thinking back on it, it was just horrible. There truly aren't words to describe. I would have okay days. But there was a period when I was in pain for like 2 weeks straight. Then it took me another week to get back into a regular sleeping pattern. Even now, I'm still tired. Don't get depressed for me, I'm just setting the scene.
Lies. Then on top of it all, my thought life was just all lies from Satan. Every single thing I thought, I knew wasn't the truth. I was reading my Bible and praying, talking to God. But still, the lies were overwhelming. It felt like too much. The lies weren't just focused on my "failure," it covered everything. How I felt about myself, how other people viewed me, what I was doing with my life, if I was doing the right thing, if I was going to make an impact, and so on. You get the picture.
I can't really tell you to the fullest extent I was feeling. But literally, I didn't feel like myself. I wasn't joyful, happy-go-lucky, find the good in everything Bre. I wasn't what people wanted, expected, or needed, in my mind. That straight up sucks. Because how we feel reflects the way we treat others.
One thing that God has been ingraining into my head for the past couple of years is how my value does not lie in what I do, but who I am. My identity is in Christ. I say that when you first see my blog, and it's the truth. I know that is where my identity lies. Which is why Satan wants to attack that one the most.
Last week, I started school, started my third job and am about to start my fourth. I am going to have four jobs, full-time school and a minimal social life. Which is a huge change from the summer. I just worked and hung out with friends all summer. I did have one summer class, which was good, but it wasn't too hard at all.
Again, my value doesn't lie in what I'm doing, but who I am.
So, you might be wondering, who am I?
I am part of the body of Christ. I am loving, caring, compassionate, kind. I am real, authentic and unafraid. I am my sisters best friend. I am my brothers biggest fan. I am my friends support. I am the person that will listen, or give advice. I am the one that comes to the same coffee shop everyday. I am who God has created me to be. I am growing in my faith, my maturity. I am a servant leader. I am humbled everyday. Because I know that I am none of these things without Christ.
If you and I stopped doing all the things we're doing, God would still love us.
Love is the foundation.
I was listening to a sermon the other night and the pastor said that. Love is the foundation. He told a story about his daughter. When he asks her to do something, she gives him this look that says that no to him. But he knows that she will do it. If only because of her love for him. God gets so ecstatic when we do things for him simply because we love him. How many times do we do things simply because of the fact that we love God? If I'm honest, not many. That thought doesn't cross my mind. I just know that I need to do certain things for him. What a revolutionary way of thinking! If every time I didn't want to do something, and was reminded that I love God and that is my motivation. I think my entire perspective on life would change. Literally.
Being so sucked into my own stuff meant that I completely forgot about other people. Maybe not completely. But mostly. Then BAM! I was sitting and listening to a sermon from another pastor and he was talking about thinking of others as more important than yourself. Living a humble life. And God was talking to me about servant leadership. As this new season begins, I'm finding myself in a leadership role. Honestly, I haven't had one in quite a while. Servant leadership is something that I learned about during my days as an intern, when I traveled around the country with an organization called TeenPact. What I forgot was that being a servant leader isn't just in leadership, it is in everyday life. Moment by moment, we are called to be different, to show Christ. Those are the the moments that being a leader is the most important. Because when you aren't seen as important, but you still be the servant leader on a quiet level, people see the Jesus that shines in you. You're right, maybe no one will see. That's not the reason to do those things. The motive of your heart should be that God wants you to.
You might be a little bit confused cause I was talking about our value not being in the things that we do, then I went on to talking about why we do things for Christ.
When we are rooted in Christ's love, we are living in that and our value is in him, it is a hundred times easier to do things and know that that's not why God loves us. But beware, it is easy to get sucked into the performance mentality that the things we do gives us value.
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 1 John 4:16
God is love.
Let him love you.
For you.
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