Ze End of Ze World

Today marks the day of the end of the world as I know it.

Today, I graduated college. The feeling is surreal. It hasn't hit yet, but it will soon. And in a small way, it already has.

I'm not sad that it's over. I'm not sad that this is marking the end of an era. I'm not sad. Really, I'm not. In fact, I'm ready for whatever is next. But see, that's the problem. God hasn't shown me, yet.

Last week, on Thursday, I finished my last assignment for school. I didn't know what to do after I was done. It's been a week and a day. And  all I can think about is what is next. This past Wednesday, God and I were talking, and he told me that I do have purpose. I have purpose every single day. That purpose is to love, encourage and inspire people to Christ. That's my life purpose statement.

What I forgot was that every single day is a gift from God. He so desires for us to be in line with his heart and mind. When all we focus on is what lies ahead, we forget that he has a purpose for us, every single day. Usually, for me, that is a conversation.

That is what makes every day worth it. If you were able to love on someone, encourage someone or just listen to them, your day was a success. Because you were able to be there for someone else. I'm reminded of this, every day. But I choose not to see it. I choose to let it pass me by. I'm done with that.
I don't need an answer, God, I'm just gonna live every day with you.
You are the one that moves my heart, that guides my feet and that gives me the words. Only you, Lord. Only you. 

It Began With a Question and Ended With a Truth

Why do I write?

Writing has never been an identity for me. We all have talents and abilities that we place our identity in. For some, it's their music. For others, it's their art. And still others, it's being smart. Like I said, writing has never been an identity for me. Actually, through junior high, high school and even a year of college, my identity was more in sports. Granted, I would strive for my identity to be in Christ. But that's a project I'm still working on. No, no, no, writing has never been something that claim to be excellent at. In fact, while I feel like words are my strong point at times, I also think that I can't use them as effectively as I intend to most of the time.

I write because it's a release. It is a way for me to say how I feel poetically, honestly and genuinely. It helps me to process life. Life is tough. Way tougher than I expected. Sometimes I wonder why someone didn't worn me about it. Then I realize, that so many did.

Today, in church, we talked about God's dream-life for you. It's the idea that God has this awesome dream-life for you and we don't tap into it. As Palmer shaped the message, he stated that we tend to settle for things, when God has something better for us. How often I tell that to people. But how often do I believe it for myself?

I graduate on Friday. I will officially be done with college. I can't believe it. I have been in school for the past like 18 years. It's all I've known for so long. And it's over. I will probably go back for my Masters, but for now it's over. It's exciting and I'm so glad to be done. But on the same note, I just don't know what to do with myself. Life continues. Things go on. But I'm not the same.

And for some reason, I don't think that God's dream-life for me will actually happen. It could...sometime down the road. But for now, it's gonna suck. The job I will have to get because I have to make enough money to support myself, is not going to be good. It won't be what I believe my purpose is. All of things though, are lies. They are lies that the enemy has implanted in my head. What the heck am I doing believing them?!?

The TRUTH is that God DOES have an AWESOME plan for my life. He just hasn't shared it with me yet. I was talking to my brother yesterday, and he was saying that God doesn't share too much with us, because he knows we'll get overwhelmed by that information. He's reading a ton of books, recently. And it was so kewl to hear that. God hasn't shared his plan with me yet, because he knows me really, really well. He knows I'll get overwhelmed. This moment in life is about trusting him completely and fully. He wants the trust in every area of my life.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Mary knew that God had great plans for her life, but not until the angel, Gabriel, told her. She waited, and God showed her. She trusted and willingly obeyed. 

Be encouraged, friends, he has a plan for YOU! 

14 Days

I have 14 more days left of college. In a mere 2 weeks, I will have Bachelors of Science degree in Criminal Justice and Criminology. It has been 5 years coming. I took about a year "off," so I could do other things with my life. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do, how I wanted to live and how I would impact the world.

In 14 days, my constant companion, school, will be gone...for a while (until it's time to get my masters).

As I've talked to some of my friends who have already graduated, they say it is weird. A good weird. But still weird.

For me, school has been something that I can't always count on being there. It gives me a reason to stay up late at night. It gives me anxiety about a test. Or stress about an assignment. It makes me read books and know information that I will never use.

But, in 14 days, that will be over. I will be a college graduate. I didn't think it would so soon. I didn't think December would be upon be so fast. Yet, I am grateful. I am thankful for the way God has blessed me in this way. Soon, I will have a break from school. Although it is something that I have enjoyed, I'm not sad to see it go. School, while challenging and interesting, is not a life experience I feel I've missed out on.

It's time for something new. It is time to surrender that stability, and seek God for the next step. The next step is one that I have been waiting patiently for the Lord in. And I still have no clue what it will be. But the reality of the next step is so exciting! It's only exciting though, because I have the single greatest being on my side, and his name is Jesus.