Ze End of Ze World

Today marks the day of the end of the world as I know it.

Today, I graduated college. The feeling is surreal. It hasn't hit yet, but it will soon. And in a small way, it already has.

I'm not sad that it's over. I'm not sad that this is marking the end of an era. I'm not sad. Really, I'm not. In fact, I'm ready for whatever is next. But see, that's the problem. God hasn't shown me, yet.

Last week, on Thursday, I finished my last assignment for school. I didn't know what to do after I was done. It's been a week and a day. And  all I can think about is what is next. This past Wednesday, God and I were talking, and he told me that I do have purpose. I have purpose every single day. That purpose is to love, encourage and inspire people to Christ. That's my life purpose statement.

What I forgot was that every single day is a gift from God. He so desires for us to be in line with his heart and mind. When all we focus on is what lies ahead, we forget that he has a purpose for us, every single day. Usually, for me, that is a conversation.

That is what makes every day worth it. If you were able to love on someone, encourage someone or just listen to them, your day was a success. Because you were able to be there for someone else. I'm reminded of this, every day. But I choose not to see it. I choose to let it pass me by. I'm done with that.
I don't need an answer, God, I'm just gonna live every day with you.
You are the one that moves my heart, that guides my feet and that gives me the words. Only you, Lord. Only you. 

It Began With a Question and Ended With a Truth

Why do I write?

Writing has never been an identity for me. We all have talents and abilities that we place our identity in. For some, it's their music. For others, it's their art. And still others, it's being smart. Like I said, writing has never been an identity for me. Actually, through junior high, high school and even a year of college, my identity was more in sports. Granted, I would strive for my identity to be in Christ. But that's a project I'm still working on. No, no, no, writing has never been something that claim to be excellent at. In fact, while I feel like words are my strong point at times, I also think that I can't use them as effectively as I intend to most of the time.

I write because it's a release. It is a way for me to say how I feel poetically, honestly and genuinely. It helps me to process life. Life is tough. Way tougher than I expected. Sometimes I wonder why someone didn't worn me about it. Then I realize, that so many did.

Today, in church, we talked about God's dream-life for you. It's the idea that God has this awesome dream-life for you and we don't tap into it. As Palmer shaped the message, he stated that we tend to settle for things, when God has something better for us. How often I tell that to people. But how often do I believe it for myself?

I graduate on Friday. I will officially be done with college. I can't believe it. I have been in school for the past like 18 years. It's all I've known for so long. And it's over. I will probably go back for my Masters, but for now it's over. It's exciting and I'm so glad to be done. But on the same note, I just don't know what to do with myself. Life continues. Things go on. But I'm not the same.

And for some reason, I don't think that God's dream-life for me will actually happen. It could...sometime down the road. But for now, it's gonna suck. The job I will have to get because I have to make enough money to support myself, is not going to be good. It won't be what I believe my purpose is. All of things though, are lies. They are lies that the enemy has implanted in my head. What the heck am I doing believing them?!?

The TRUTH is that God DOES have an AWESOME plan for my life. He just hasn't shared it with me yet. I was talking to my brother yesterday, and he was saying that God doesn't share too much with us, because he knows we'll get overwhelmed by that information. He's reading a ton of books, recently. And it was so kewl to hear that. God hasn't shared his plan with me yet, because he knows me really, really well. He knows I'll get overwhelmed. This moment in life is about trusting him completely and fully. He wants the trust in every area of my life.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Mary knew that God had great plans for her life, but not until the angel, Gabriel, told her. She waited, and God showed her. She trusted and willingly obeyed. 

Be encouraged, friends, he has a plan for YOU! 

14 Days

I have 14 more days left of college. In a mere 2 weeks, I will have Bachelors of Science degree in Criminal Justice and Criminology. It has been 5 years coming. I took about a year "off," so I could do other things with my life. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do, how I wanted to live and how I would impact the world.

In 14 days, my constant companion, school, will be gone...for a while (until it's time to get my masters).

As I've talked to some of my friends who have already graduated, they say it is weird. A good weird. But still weird.

For me, school has been something that I can't always count on being there. It gives me a reason to stay up late at night. It gives me anxiety about a test. Or stress about an assignment. It makes me read books and know information that I will never use.

But, in 14 days, that will be over. I will be a college graduate. I didn't think it would so soon. I didn't think December would be upon be so fast. Yet, I am grateful. I am thankful for the way God has blessed me in this way. Soon, I will have a break from school. Although it is something that I have enjoyed, I'm not sad to see it go. School, while challenging and interesting, is not a life experience I feel I've missed out on.

It's time for something new. It is time to surrender that stability, and seek God for the next step. The next step is one that I have been waiting patiently for the Lord in. And I still have no clue what it will be. But the reality of the next step is so exciting! It's only exciting though, because I have the single greatest being on my side, and his name is Jesus.

See Ya Soon!

I've come to hate goodbyes. I just don't think there is any good reason for them. So instead, I say farewell, or see ya soon.

One of my very bestest friends, Katie, is moving to Ohio tomorrow. She's lived here for 10 months. It's crazy to me how God answers prayer through people. She was an answer to a prayer that I had been praying for a while.

For the past month, my life was kinda put on hold, cause I knew Katie would be leaving soon. I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could before they left.

What I couldn't get over was why God would allow this to happen. I didn't want to see her go. I wanted, and still want, her to be here so we can hang out all the time. But that's just not what God has in store for our friendship. While it's sad, I know she is a life-long friend. I know she'll be around when I get married, have kids and then have to go to a nursing home. :) She's the kind of the friend that just gets me.

Anyways, as I was talking to God about all this he asked me a question. He asked me why I was so hung up on the fact that she was leaving. He asked me if I trusted him. He asked me if I thought he knew best. I really didn't respond. I knew the answers to the questions in my mind and in my heart. The fact is, I just wanted things my way for once. But the reality is that life isn't my way. It will NEVER be my way. And I know that's what is best. God's way is the best way.

Many are the plans of a mans heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. 
Proverbs 19:21 

In everything, I desire that the Lord's purpose prevails. I'm stubborn and I don't always listen at first. But I do want the Lord's purpose. In this, I am so excited for the next part of Katie's journey with her husband and Jesus. I know that this is God's purpose. But she will be missed. 

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
Proverbs 16:9

It is SO CLICHE

I wanna say that everything is fine.
But I'm just sad. I'm sad and I've just been crying so much.
It's more change.

I'm about to graduate.
One of my very best friends, who I became close with so quickly, is leaving in a mere 9 days.
And I just don't know which direction God is pointing me to.

Like I said...more change.


You'd think it's something I'd be used to by now. But hey, whatever. I'm still not. That's just how life is, or so I hear. Those older and wiser than I, have expressed that life only gets harder. This stuff is easy, cause I'm not having to worry about children, bills and car problems. Blah, blah, blah.

I only hear half of the cliches anymore, because I feel like I've heard them all or said them all about a thousand times. So I'm just done saying them. It doesn't help anyone. Or so it feels.

I know it's not true.

Most likely, I'll just continue to say them and repeat them to myself when I need to hear them. I won't always believe it, but most cliches are true. They come with lots of truth. Although hard to hear, they do bring some comfort. And sometimes, they are just funny to laugh at.

So here are some classics...
"God has something better in store for you"
"You'll be stronger when it's over"
"Everything is gonna work out for the good"
"God's in control, he knows what he's doing"
"You'll learn something through this"


Just remember, God speaks through those cliches sometimes. You just have to be able to hear him. He is with you, my friends. Scripture is the best to leave you with, so here is something that has been an encouragement to me.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
1 John 4:16

I Don't Want It To Be Boring...

I'm speaking on 1 John 4 this next Sunday. This is one of my favorite passages in scripture because it talks about how God is love. It's crazy to me how hard it is for me to write this talk. I love this part of scripture, but the more I think about it, the more I don't even know where to begin.

I think that most of my talks center around love. How important it is and how we need to make it a part of our lives. I have this idea about how to convey this message to students, but after a while, it seems like they tune you out. If only because they've heard it a hundred times. They might have, so why talk about it again.

Then I came across this part in a concordance I was reading...In 1 John 4, it opens with the phrase, "dear friends." That phrase is continually used throughout this chapter. I read that the phrase, "dear friends," simply means "beloved."

What a powerful word. According to Merriam-Webster, beloved means "dearly loved, dear to the heart."

When John was writing the chapter, he wants us to know that we are dear to his heart. John doesn't know me. He's in heaven right now, and probably knows I'm talking about him. He and Jesus are pretty tight, I'm sure. But there is no way that he knew that that phrase, "beloved" would be such a heart warming word.

God does not desire for us to be bored by his Word. He wants us to have joy every time we read it. I try so hard to make sure that His Word comes alive for me...every time I read it. Sometimes though, it just doesn't happen.

Today though, I read 1 John 4 in a new way. Instead of "dear friends," I see "beloved."

Remember that you are His Beloved.

Introducing, the Proud Owner of a NEW (previously used) CAR!!!!

God has been teaching me so much.
First of all, I've been ENAMORED with 1 John. I think I've read it like 12 times, and I'm still going! We're learning about it in big church and teaching it in JH and 5th and 6th. It's so amazing. If you get a chance, read 1 John. It's one of those books where new things jump out at you all the time.
I've been learning about letting things go.
Most of the time, there are things that we think about and worry over that just don't matter. One of the questions I ask myself is, "does it matter?" If it doesn't, I give it to God and don't think about it. God is in control. He is the one and only person that I trust fully, who will never let me down. Ever. This may be my life on earth, but I'm simply a pawn in His story.
I've been growing up. I bought my first car yesterday. I own it. I have to go get it in my name, but it's still mine. Then I got my own insurance for it. I am now a proud owner of a 2000 Kia Spectra GSX. It's truly an experience. I haven't felt like this much of an adult, ever. And I'm about to graduate!!!!!!
I can't comprehend the way God times things, but he does it in such a way that amazes me, every single time.
Thank you, Father.
You are so good.
"always faithful//always good" - Gungor

To Him

My hearts stops in the nearness of you.
Your love is unconditional.
Every breath is difficult without you.
The road of life feels burdensome, unless you are holding my hand.
I can't understand every path, or road block we come to.
It doesn't make sense that you are still with me when I've left you behind so many times.
And yet, there you stand, with arms open wide and forgiveness on your lips.
Why are you love?
Why does your grace know no bounds?
I am not worthy.
But you have called me your own.
You knew my name before the earth began.
You will be by my side always and forever.
Jesus, I am yours.

Thailand...Here I Come!

Welp, there ya have it. I'm going to Thailand. The trip will be January 17th-26th. I'm going with my church, The Grove. I'm so stinkin excited about it!!!! Here is the letter that I wrote to raise money.

Dear friends and family,                    

     This is a picture of me in Northern Ireland. I recently got back from a month long mission trip there. God taught me so much and it was such a blessing to be able to serve the people of NI.

One of the things that God revealed to me is that I need to be fighting injustices in America and around the globe. This has been on my heart for a while, but God confirmed it even more while I was in Northern Ireland. Which brings me to the purpose of this letter.

            Because of this passion to fight injustices, God has put it on my heart to go on a mission trip to Thailand. My church, The Grove, is a church that has a core value of serving the world. This will be our first trip to Thailand. We are partnering with a non-profit ministry over there that is dedicated to pulling out girls that are trapped in the sex trafficking ring. This organization reaches out to girls that have no hope that life will ever change.  They give them a way out. I'm hoping that this trip will give me an accurate, heart breaking realization of how these young women and girls live. Earlier this year, God showed me that I have to be mentoring and helping young women, specifically those that have been in the sex trafficking arena. There is a huge need for people to work with these women and show them that they matter.

            The trip is going to be January 17th through the 26th. This will be our first trip, which means we will be seeing how the organization works and helping with anything we can. There is a need for people to be aware of how prevalent sex trafficking is across the world, but also in our own backyard. I believe God is calling me to work with women here in the states, but he wants me to see how ministries work in other countries. I need to raise $2800 to go on this trip for eight days. I am so excited to see how God will move in my heart and spirit through this trip.

            Please seek God in supporting me; whether it is by prayer, financially or with encouraging words. My stay there will be tough and filled with spiritual warfare, because of the spiritual battle that rages there everyday. If you are interested in supporting me, there is an envelope that you can fill out and send to The Grove (2777 S. Gilbert Rd., Chandler, AZ 85286). Thank you for taking time to read this and prayerfully consider supporting me.

            Also, you can follow me on my blog, www.crazybeautiful-agape.blogspot.com, where I will write about my experiences. Please feel free to write me on my Facebook, www.facebook.com/bre.lee1 or via email, Breana.lee15@gmail.com with any questions. I would love to answer any questions you have! If you are interested in finding out more information about sex trafficking visit The Exodus Road, NightLight or Street Light.

                        God bless!

                                    Breana Lee

I intend to send this letter to friends and family that don't know this story. I have a lot of funds to raise in a short amount of time, but God is faithful. He got me to NI and I know he'll get me to Thailand. I'll be posting more about the struggle in deciding to go, how it is stretching me before I leave, and how you can continue to pray for my journey. Thanks for reading!!

Happy Endings Don't Exist

When I was a kid, I watched all of the Disney movies. They always assured my young heart that there would be a happy ending.

When I was a teenager, I would watch those same movies and still kind of believe it.

Now, as an adult, the world tells me that happy endings don't exist. There is divorce, back stabbing, loss of jobs, change, family issues, friend strife. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. All of the assurance those movies gave me was gone in the moment that I realized the world is not a nice place. Society tells us to live a certain way, to act a certain way, to be a certain person and we will succeed in life. Nothing can change, this is just the way it is.

But in a few words, a person can change that whole perspective for me. Today, I was talking to my boss, who has become my friend as well. We were having our bi-monthly review. He told me something that I haven't heard in a while, or even thought of, to be honest.

He told me that I can fulfill my dream.

When I was 13, I had this dream that I was standing on a big stage in front of thousands of people. They wouldn't listen as first, but I started to speak anyways. Slowly, they all began to listen. As I spoke, I saw people taking notes and writing things down. They weren't just listening, but they were hearing me. 

Today, as we sat at Pei Wei, he didn't tell me in so many words that I can fulfill my dream. He simply said, "You connect really well with girls, young women and really women of all ages. I could see you traveling and speaking at women's conferences." 

That's been my dream for years. He didn't know that. I might've casually mentioned it to him a couple times. But there is no way that he would've remembered that and said it...months later. What he said to me...gave me hope. I still can fulfill that dream that I've held for so long. Someday, it will come true. 

Happy endings, though, they don't exist. Not the way the movies portray them, at least. God, the Creator of the Universe, has such a marvelous plan for you. For me. He has created our stories long before we were born. But the thing is, our stories don't end. In His infinite wisdom, God has given us eternal life. The life we live on earth needs to be Christ-centered. We need to seek His kingdom first, because then everything else will fall into place. 

I don't believe in happy endings. They don't exist. 

Instead, I believe in the life God has for me. It comes with ups and downs, twists and turns, pain and heartache. But, after this life, I get to live in the next. That is WAY better than a happy ending in my book.

Father, Forgive Them...

Beaten and bruised.

Scorned and shamed.

Lovingly, he hung.

He asked for the Father's forgiveness.

"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."


When someone says something mean to me, the first thing I want to do is punch them in the face. Who are THEY to pass judgment on ME?!? Yet, when we stood and watched Christ on the cross, he asked God for our forgiveness. Who am I to hold a brothers sin against them? I'm human. My flesh gets the best of me sometimes. It happens to all of us.
We use the excuse that they are not quick to forgive. It doesn't matter. Some hurts cut deeper than others. If it takes time, then work through it with God. Don't be spiteful, bitter and angry. The only person that hurts is you. Choose to cling even more to Jesus.

He is my rock and my song.

I know that I don't treat people the right way at times. I struggle to not hold their bad decisions against them, with it's their life and they can choose what to do with it. It is so frustrating to see people reap the benefits of life, even though they're not living for Christ-centered. But that is not my place to judge. I need to worry about my own relationship with Jesus. So do you. The way God wants us to live and to look at people through his eyes will be second nature, if he is our first focus.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 
Matthew 6:33

React

I got into ANOTHER car accident last week, it's the fourth and again, it's not my fault. But it's not as blatantly not my fault as it has been in the past.

Today is Friday. I'm off of work. I have no plans except talking to my lovely friend, K. Tifft. We have a prearranged talking time since we both live in different states.

Lately I've just been wallowing about life. Not truly knowing what I am supposed to do. Then it rained yesterday. If you know me at all, you know that I love rain. it is the way that God tells me tahat everything is going to be okay. I woke up, and there were rain drops on the car that I am driving since mine is dead and gone. Which is  nice, cause I really didn't like that car at all. Onward and upward. But I also have the whole college student thing goin for  me, which means no money saved for another car.

God will provide.

I'm not super worried about the car thing. There are a few possibilities and God ALWAYS works that out for me. God has blessed me with so many wonderful friends and an incredible family that has my back. But for a week there, I had very little hope. I felt like I had to have so many things just figured out so when people ask, i knew the right thing to say. I feel like I have to live up to something. But the thing that I have to live up to is unattainable. I know what I want in life. i know what I'm gifted at and how to work hard for things. That is something that was instilled in me at a very young age. And for that, I am so grateful to my parents. It's really a swelling of emotions. It's like every emotion known to man is tugging at some part of me and I have to choose which one to embrace. There are the sad, depressing ones that are not of Jesus. Those are the ones that I have been choosing to feel. The thing that gets me is when God puts someone in my path to show me how wrong I have been.

At college group this week, we were talking about walking in darkness. Paul was saying that he feels like he walks in darkness a lot...and that got me thinking. More often than not, I walk in darkness as well. And it's saddens me to see my life and wish that I was different. I strive to be like Christ in every way I can. But it's not easy.

I was talking to my mentor, Jen, and she looked at me with the most loving of eyes and told me that life is hard. The things that push our buttons and make us want to not be here anymore, are the things that change us. Life isn't about what we can do the best or how awesome we are. It's about God. It's about serving our Savior first and foremost. Everything else will fall into place. We have to seek his kingdom first. The way we react to life is how we show people the Jesus that lives inside of us. I reacted poorly to my car accident. And for that, I truly am sorry. But God is a God of grace and love. of mercy and goodness. He forgives us. All the time. No matter what. THANK YOU, JESUS!!!!

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. 
1 John 4:16a

Words Change Lives.

Words can be beautifully written. They can be arranged in such a way to move one to tears. They have power, whether they are written or spoken. If they rhyme, they sound poetic. If put to a beat, it is music. Words have power. People tend to forget that. Too often, words are just said, without thought. They are loosely muttered under a person's breath. If they are heard, they can ruin a person's day. If they are shouted to the world, they can change your life. If they are whispered, they can be an encouragement to press on.

God gave us words to use wisely. The Bible is proof that words can change lives. The right words to say are not usually the first ones we think of. But we have to be careful with our words.

There is that old cliche....
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

That is untrue. Completely and utterly false.

Words are a big deal.
Use them wisely.

It's Just Not a Good Time

It's never a good time to do anything.
It's never a good time to make new friends.
It's never a good time for your car to break down.
It's never a good time to try something new.
It's never a good time to make a change.
It's never a good time to do anything, because something is always going on.

What I've learned in the short time I've lived on this earth is that we have to make time for things. Time is precious, because life is short. But it really is never a good time for anything crazy, traumatic, devastating or incredible to happen. When it does, we generally have to sacrifice something in our lives for that thing. Even if it is a good thing, it changes how we live and operate for a time.

What are you willing to make time for?

Most of the time, love doesn't need words.



Sometimes, I'm lonely. I wish I was sharing life with someone. I wish that I'd have that special person to call and tell about the stupid small things in my day that I absolutely love. Sometimes, I hope that he'll come right now, so we can begin to share life together. Then I remember...I'm not alone.

The truest form of love does not come from another person. The truest form of love is Jesus Christ. He came to this earth to show us what unconditional love looks like. He made a way for us to live with him for eternity. The love that he showed us on that cross is the most tangible love that I can possibly imagine. The love story of Jesus is the ultimate love story. He knew everything about us. He waited and worked and loved those people around him. He knew that his Father was God. He only follows His words. That love that Jesus has for us, is something we forget to often. Remind yourself that you are walking in love every single day.


God used words to show us his love in Scripture. But we live in that same love every day...and it doesn't need words.


"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 
This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love on another. 
No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 
We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 
And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 
If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. 
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. 
God is love. 
Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 
In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. 
There is no fear in love. 
But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. 
The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 
We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:9-19

Something to Believe In

We all want something to believe in.
We want something to hope for and work towards.
Do you have a go-to CD or song that always lifts your spirits?

I do. Mine is FM Static's first album. I always pop it in when I need to scream out a couple of songs and just feel better. But the song that is my go-to is Something to Believe In. It's the third song on the album.


Something To Believe In
by FM Static

you've been trying to get me open
caught out in the open
everyone is hoping you'd give
anything to take this
everything that breaks this
everyone is faceless
give me
something to believe in
quick or else i'm leaving
need a better reason
i know
things get complicated
so miseducated
it's a wonder that we made it

situation
a little speculation
what are we facing
too much complications
looking for a name
in a new generation
a new focus
new destination

i don't wanna look
i just wanna find
can you give me something to believe in
keep your religion, don't need your lies
i'm just looking for one good reason
feel like it's teenage hunting season
but nothing out there sounds half decent
who's out there? who's going to save us
before we all fall through the cracks in the pavement

you've been trying to get me open
caught out in the open
everyone is hoping
give me
something to believe in
quick or else i'm leaving
need a better reason
i know

i'm never gonna fall in line
so don't even bother wasting your time
i'm a breed of a different kind
stand back just to invade your mind

situation
under speculation
what are we facing?
too much complications
looking for a name
in a new generation
a new focus
new destination

i don't wanna look
i just wanna find
can you give me something to believe in
keep your religion, don't need your lies
i'm just looking for one good reason
feel like it's teenage hunting season
but nothing out there sounds half decent
who's out there? who's going to save us
before we all fall through the cracks in the pavement

and if you don't know what i'm talking about
it's probably better cause i'm working out
don't wanna spend my lifetime figuring out
that i coulda just said one prayer

and if you know what i'm talking about
then together were both working it out
don't wanna spend my lifetime figuring out
i missed the point now it's over
i missed the point now it's over
i missed the point now it's over
i missed the point now it's over
i missed the point now it's over
i missed the point now it's over


If you've never heard it, listen to it.

As people, we long to believe in something. We want to know that life is worth living; that at the end of all of this...there is something more. There is. It's heaven.

We live for something greater than we can ever imagine. We forget that there is something greater than ourselves. It's Christ. He came to give us life so we could live it to the full. THAT is what we believe in. We're not just waiting for the next big thing. We're walking day to day knowing that this is the beginning of forever. Don't fall through the cracks. Stand up and live differently. Know that you are unique and made perfectly. God intended you to do great things in this life on earth. Don't doubt yourself. Believe in Christ. He is bigger and better. Don't live for yourself. You will feel empty. It's not worth it. Just cling to Him.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. 
John 10:10

"Follow Me"

If you remember a few posts ago, I talked about Safe Haven. They have a song called Blind that I really like. One of the lines is "give me the means to be the difference." For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to make a difference in this world. I want to make an impact. Not for myself, but for Christ. We are here on this earth to serve Him. We are here to show the world that there is something worth living for. As I think about those desires, I remember that the God that I serve is a big God. He can do the impossible. He can bring sight to the blind, hearing to the deaf, healing to the broken, rest to the weary. He can provide food for thousands, he can move mountains, he can raise men from the dead, he can do all things. He is a big God. He is my God. And that same Spirit that raised Lazarus from the dead, lives in me...lives in you.

It's one thing to want to be remembered and to want to make an impact. It's whole other thing to live in such a way that leaves the mark of Christ on the world.

You, as a human, have an impact on people. You choose how you are going to live. You have a choice of what words to say, how you're going to react and interact with people, and how you view others. Whether you believe it or not, you make an impact. It's your choice what kind of impact you are making, but you are definitely MAKING AN IMPACT.

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works.
Ephesians 2:10

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."
Matthew 16:24

The Exodus Road

Location: Thailand.
Mission: Rescuing trafficked victims. 
Detail: Covert operations scout the brothels, massage parlors, beer bars, karoke bars, etc., in search of underage victims. The tip has come from a credible source. Now we must gather intelligence and evidence to not only rescue the victim, but to prosecute the pimp.

The Exodus Road is a non-profit organization that is committed to fighting human trafficking. But they have a humble beginning. This week is Serve the World week at the Grove. For months, Paul has been talking about Matt Parker and his organization. FINALLY, he is here. As I sat and listened to him speak, I was shocked by the humility this man possessed. The Exodus Road was started because of God. If you had asked Parker four years ago if he would be doing this, he would've answered no. He began as a young pastor in the states. He was offered a director position at an orphanage in Thailand. Gladly, he accepted and moved with his wife to live there. He tells his story better than I do, so be sure to ask him if you ever get the chance to meet him.

As I've learned about sex trafficking, I have never seen an organization like The Exodus Road. They do covert ops throughout Thailand, rescuing as many victims as they can. It was amazing to listen to the stories of these kids who have been rescued. Read all of their stories! Right now, they have 15 different undercover operatives who are sent out on missions. Generally, the missions take between one and two weeks. The goal is to rescue as many as possible. On their website, they have a count of how many prosecutions to date, how many victims rescued, and undercover operatives. Support and encourage this group of people fighting the injustice in this world!


If you want to be a part of The Exodus Road, whether it is giving financially, or lifting them up in prayer, check out their website at www.theexodusroad.com.

Chaos. Pain. And Hope.

All I see is chaos and turmoil around me. At every turn, there is hurt and pain. On each side, there is sadness and hopelessness.

But there is hope. 

His name is Jesus. 

I want to write about something happy, because I haven't been lately. I'd like to write about how great things are for whoever or anything that isn't drowning in the vastness of life.

Yet, misery desires to blanket my every thought. That can only mean one thing. The enemy is trying his very best to distract me from The Light. It seems that the enemy is on the prowl in so many people's lives. Which means there is great good coming. For now though, it will rain and then pour.

How will YOU react? 

There is a crushing weight of the world that you can choose to be under, or you can choose to give Him the burden. 

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest in your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. 

Matthew 11:28-30

Some of us will wish for the past to come back, those were the good old days. Some will put their hope in the future, that things will get better. While others see the present as a gift. Look at this time as an opportunity for growth. When we give our lives to Jesus, he promises to take care of us. He won't give us any more than we can handle with Him. 

You are not alone. There are other people going through hard stuff. Don't forget that Jesus is your rock and your salvation. 

You have nothing to fear.  

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be afraid, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;  

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

Isaiah 41:10 

 

Crap Happens

You can't predict anything in life.
You may have a plan, but that plan always changes.
You don't see the big picture, only God does.
It's not enough to just live for him.
To do all the right things.
The only thing that makes this life worth living through is the relationship that God wants us to have with him.
If that were the only thing I had in this life, I would be good.
It is the most fulfilling relationship I have ever had.

___________________________________________________________________________


"As soon as things are okay, something terrible happens."
This was said to me by a beautiful, young lady that has gone through so many things in her life. This statement breaks my heart. One of the hardest things in life is watching people you love go through painful situations. But you have to know, that crap happens to everybody. No matter where you are, or who you are, there is always going to be SOMETHING that happens. You can't control it. God is in control. Are you willing to trust him?

___________________________________________________________________________


Nobody is perfect. You can't expect people to be perfect. God states very clearly in the Bible that no one is perfect, except for Jesus. I don't want to be a perfect person. But I do want to be the best person that I can be. I can only be that with Jesus. Honestly, that is what I want for everyone. I want every person to be the best person that they possibly can be. It is heartbreaking to watch people make poor decisions about their lives. It's inevitable. The question is, how will you respond to it?

Present

As I sit down to start writing my paper, I listen to the conversations buzzing around me. I'm sitting at a large table with two other groups of people. They are having two separate conversations, because they don't know each other. I sit down and realize I can't focus on writing if I'm listening to the stories being told. So, what do all college students do? Pop in the earphones.

Then it hits me.

I can drown out the world if I want to. Simply by putting my earphones in my ears and turning on music.

God has been showing me how significant the little things in life are. Generally speaking, I pay attention to those things. But it has been hitting me differently lately.

The other day...I realized what a crazy concept cell phones are. Yeah, call me crazy. But we can connect over the phone with people that live across the country or the WORLD!

In some respects, cell phones give us the option to not connect with people that are around us. They give us the opportunity to be in relationship with people that we love but live in a different place.



The technology of this world is amazing. And I am all for using it the right way. But if it is an excuse, then maybe you shouldn't. There are times when I want to drown out the world, but I know that is not what I need. There are times that I choose to connect with people across the country, when someone is sitting right next to me. It is important to remember that we are here for a reason. We need to present in the present. It's a gift that God has given us. You could miss opportunities if you're not present.

POWER

I want to help.
I want to be someone who gives hope to people who have none.
I want to be a shoulder to cry on.
I want to be a light for Jesus.
I want to be an encouragement.
I just want to be a friend that is trustworthy and loving.

All of these things that I want are fine. But my constant is my Jesus. He is my strength. I was listening to this song the other day. It's called Please Be My Strength by Gungor.

I’ve tried to stand my ground
I’ve tried to understand
but I can’t seem to find my faith again

like water on the sand
or grasping at the wind
I keep on falling short

please be my strength
please be my strength
Cause I don’t have anymore
I don’t have anymore

I’m looking for a place
that I can plant my faith
one thing I know for sure

I cannot create it
I cannot sustain it
It’s Your love that’s keeping (captured) me

Please be my strength…

at my final breath
I hope that I can say
I’ve fought the good fight of faith

I pray your glory shines
through this doubting heart of mine
so my world would know that You

You are my strength
You and You alone
You and You alone
Keep bringing me back home


I don't have strength on my own. And neither do you. This song for me is a cry to God. But he gives us the strength we need. He gave us a spirit of POWER. He gives us courage.


For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power, love and self-control.
2 Timothy 1:7


Now the question is...

how we will use that Spirit of power to impact the world?

It Just Is

There are some days that you can't quite put into words what you're feeling.

There are other days where you know exactly what is going on.

And still, there are others that just happen.

You can't stop time from passing. You can't turn back the clock and change the way you're living. Honestly, I wish I could sometimes. I have days that I just don't want to be a real functioning adult...because it is too hard. There are days that I don't want to be in relationship with people, because relationship is hard. Every kind of relationship is hard...with your parents, siblings, friends, relatives, coworkers, students and every other possible one you could think of.

Life isn't supposed to be easy. Jesus never, ever said that it would be. He also never said that ten million things would try to hit you at once.

But those days that we spend trying to hide from everything, doesn't make it go away. In fact, we usually just end up thinking of everything more. Nothing changes when we come out of our hole. We just have to face the world.



I have this image in my head. It's this picture of a person standing on top of a hill, looking out over a valley. It's dusk, so you can't really see their face or expression. But right next to that person is Jesus. He is a taller figure, wearing jeans and t-shirt. Jesus simply has his hand on one shoulder of the person standing next to him. He is looking out over the valley as well. This image is the way I see me and Jesus. The valley represents my life. The hill that we stand on is the place in Jesus has brought me. He's trying to show me the bigger picture. But I just can't seem to see it. So, instead of giving up, he just puts his hand on my shoulder and tells me everything is gonna be okay. Then we start walking down the hill to live life together.



On those days that you want to hide, just remember that Jesus is by your side. He came to this world to help us understand better how much he loves us. Nothing can ever change that fact. You can only face the world and have joy with Him. He is the only one that is capable to lifting you up off of the ground and giving you hope.

So trust Him.
Lean on Him.
And everything will be okay.

Ah, Pride, You're Back Again

This is my greatest downfall.

Pride. 

It has been for some time now. And it's very obnoxious, in my opinion. Pride is frustrating because it tends to rear its ugly head at the most inconvenient times. Just when we haven't given it a thought in a while, then we realize that it didn't ever go away. Maybe that's just me.

I don't realize that my pride gets in a funk until I can't handle it and just break down. I'll chalk it up to whatever is happening at the time...it's this person, or that situation. But, in reality, it is just me. It is the sin that I live with every day. More often than not, my pride gets the better of me.

I have these built up expectations for myself and I have for quite some time. It's nothing new to me or the people who know me very well. I have high expectations for myself, because I know I'm capable to accomplish much...but only with Christ.

It's not just me on my own. I don't have the stability or the where with all to do any of it on my own. No, sirree. And yet, I forget that little part. I just do things. I tell myself I should be living some certain way or be doing some certain thing...then I get overwhelmed because I'm trying to accomplish it on my own. And, ever so gently, Jesus reminds me how much he loves me. He whispers to me how much he cares. He shows me his blessings in too many ways to count. Then picks me off my butt and walks with me along the road. He's got my back, every single time.


He's got your back, too.

The One To Remember

We always have a desire to be someone that people remember. Whether it is by what we do, or say, or how we live. People desire to be known and to be who they were created to be. Why do you think so many people succumb to the ways of the world? They are selfish because they desire to be known.

When we live in such a way that glorifies Christ, we are showing the world that we are different. We are being the change that the world needs. If it is on a small scale, then you are making a difference to the people around you. And if it is on a large scale, be careful it doesn't get to your head! :)

My point is that we want to be remembered. We want to be the difference. There is a song that the band Safe Haven is about to come out with called Blind. It is a song that talks about wanting to be the difference in the world. It is a great song and a great band! All of the guys are really awesome, so be sure to check it out! :) The idea is that we, as young people, desire to be remembered by the things that we do. But we also want to make a difference in this world. We want to fight injustices and stand out.

As Christians, we are called to do this. Jesus clearly talks about how we are to be lights to the world. He tells us in the word that it is not going to be easy but that we need to run to him for rest. He will give us the strength and peace to do what he has called us to do.

If you have that same desire to be remembered, live in a way that glorifies the King. He is the way that you will be remembered. You have gifts, talents and abilities that are unique to you. And you are the only person that will be remembered for the things you do and the way you live. But it stems only from a life lived with and for Christ.

What will be your legacy?

How will you be remembered?

Capstone

It's a continual conversation. When I'm talking with someone and I have to leave, I tell them that the conversation is not over. That's how it is with Jesus...all the time. It is a continual conversation that is full of life...the deep things and the shallow things. It is a conversation that I never want to end because it fills me with life. It fills me with peace. It fills me with joy. It fills me with love. A love that is abounding, freely given and unconditional. A love that I completely and utterly do NOT understand, but am so incredibly grateful for, at the same time.

That is the God that we serve.

Jesus is our cornerstone. Last night, at college group, Paul was talking about Luke 20 and how it is talking about the capstone. When the Wailing Wall was being built, each stone had to be examined and fitted perfectly to one another. The flawed one that was not fit to be in the wall was used to be the cornerstone. The cornerstone or capstone was the strongest part of that wall.

"'The stone the builders rejected 

has become the capstone?

Everyone who falls on that stone will 

be broken to pieces,

but he on whom it falls

will be crushed."

 Luke 20:17b-18

 

We are broken people. When we give our lives to Jesus, we are crushed. It is a complete grinding destruction. We walk around broken, unable to be fixed. Unless, we lean on Christ. When we make the choice to follow Christ, we are allowing him to tell us how broken we are. We are giving him the permission to put the pieces back together. We are telling him that we cannot live life on our own. But that gives me hope. 

As I see my brokenness, every single day, I run to Jesus. He works in me and puts me back together. Just as things seem to be working and the brokenness dissipates, he shows me another area where I am broken. Then I run back to him, and ask for his divine intervention. There is always hope, because we don't have to live on our own. We don't have to fix our problems. God will take care of it, if you trust.  

We may always be in a broken state, but God is the glue that can put us back together and make us better than before. In our brokenness, God reveals his beauty. Your brokenness is beautiful. 

Embrace it, 

don't run from it. 

He is with you.

Just DO

Our society focuses so much on what we do. 

It's always what people are DOING! 

When we search for a job,

we list our experiences and we've DONE.

That is what gives us an edge on everyone else. 

When we are first introduced to someone,

we ask them what they are doing. 

Are they in school?

Where do they work?

We are impressed with what they do. 

Don't get me wrong, 

I want to DO great things. 

But I want to known for more than what I do.

I want to be known for

WHO I AM.

So, who are you?

What gives you value? 

How do you define yourself?

Is it by what you do?

Do you think your value lies in what you can do?

Cause the truth is, it doesn't. 

Your value.

My value.

Our value. 

Is in Christ alone.

For it is by grace that you have been saved, 

through faith -- and this is not from yourselves,

it is the gift of God --

not by works, so that no one can boast. 

Ephesians 2:8-9

I HAVE To

I've been back a week a day, by now. I'm home. I am safe and busy...again. Which, if you know me, is not surprising. I haven't stopped this week. And it has been a whirlwind of emotions. I've seen God provide in incredible ways. I've seen his hand be on my life. It is a beautiful thing.

What I've also recognized is what I am created to do.


That reality has set in. For all of my life, I have wanted to fight injustice. I want to see people rescued from pain, hurt, and agony. This week though, God showed me something even greater than wanting to do it...He showed me that I have to do it. I have to fight injustices in the world. Otherwise, I am not living out my purpose.


I have also recognized another purpose in my life. It is to mentor and encourage young women. As I was explaining this to a couple of my pastors, I got teary eyed and started sobbing right there. I was so moved by the passion that I have to do this, that I couldn't contain it anymore.

These are both things that I have to do. They are not optional. My passion for them is constant. It is fueled only by the King.

People forget that they MATTER

...As I listened to her, all I wanted to do was shake her and tell her that she mattered. She's valuable. She is good enough. She is worth more than anything else in the world. She is loved. She is cared for. She is beautiful...

The world doesn't tell her any of those things. But Jesus does.




The other day, I listened to a horrendous story about a young boy who was abused as a child. His father would lock him in the garage...this went on for 11 years. He now has paranoid schizophrenia. His father paid people off so he wouldn't get in trouble.

When did money become more important to people?

Money IS NOT more important than people. People are why we are on this earth. We are here to build relationship with PEOPLE. Not money.

God values you.

Do you value the people in your life? 

If you do, tell them. 

It makes a difference.

Would Yours?

Do you know that point of exhaustion? The point where it's not just physically...it's emotionally, mentally and spiritually? I think I've gotten there.

It's just been recently. I definitely rested and relaxed while I was in Northern Ireland. But I'm tired.

I think the kewlest part is how much I see Jesus in all of it. I literally don't know where I would be without him. I've been battling so many lies during this trip. I have loved every moment of it, because it means God is at work in me and through me. YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!

The two songs that have been stuck in my head are Forever Reign and Stronger by Hillsong. I love the music, the lyrics and the passion within the singers singing them. It's empowering. I feel so much strength from the truths sung in these songs.

One of the verses that has been an encouragement to my heart is in Psalm 148.

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,

 for I have put my trust in you. 

Show me the way I should go, 

for to you I entrust my life. 

Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, 

for I hide myself in you. 

Teach me to do your will, 

for you are my God; 

may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.  

Psalm 148:8-10

I don't know about you, but if I began every day with these words on my lips and in my heart, things would be different. Would yours?

*Sigh*

ERGH!
I just want to be able to write what is going on in head. But I can't even type right. There is so much going on, and I'm not even at home right now. I guess that makes sense, but it doesn't. My brain is overloaded. When that happens, I can't sleep. Guess who hasn't been sleeping well for a month? Yes, this girl *points to self*
I wish I could think of a kewl analogy to put in right here. But I already told you, my brain doesn't work.

All day long I've been receiving emails about the first test we took in one of my summer classes. This girl has beef with the teacher because our teacher set up something wrong for the first test. So basically, we didn't have enough time to take the test. It's the whole ordeal, and it's stupid, in my opinion. I didn't do terrible on the test. The teacher gave us all 5 pts. extra and I think that is sufficient.
There are children who didn't get to eat today. But this girl thinks it's more important that she gets a good grade.
I get that grades are important. And I try to keep my grades high. But really, some things in life are just not worth wasting time on.

I feel like, in our society, very few understand the value of a person. There is little thought about what people like, or how they feel or what is going on in their lives. Every single day I am struck by how people live. I love getting to hear people's stories. I love hearing about their adventures, sadness, joy and everything in between. But too often, we forget that that is why we were put on this earth. We are here for relationship.

I have had friendships that have ended and I didn't think there would be any restoration. That has been proven wrong only a few times. But this week, I've seen it.

God has an incredibly awesome plan for my life. I see it unfold all day, every day. It's overwhelming, at times. But it shows the abundant love and grace that God showers on me.

He has an amazing plan for you, as well. A plan that you can never know. A plan that takes shape in ways that you might not realize. But it is there. And God is directing it.

When he is in charge, it goes exactly according to his plan. So trust him. He knows what he's doing.

Blessings

Another day, another dollar.
It's just a cliche.
What I think is more appropriate, is
Another day, another experience.

Everyday is filled with new experiences. Sometimes it is the most mundane things that we do in our day, but it has never happened that way and never will again. Life is like that. It throws things at you that you would never expect. That's just like God though. He is always doing things that I expect to happen even with the crazy life that I have. There are constantly things that God just allows to happen and I'm like, "Oh, alright, kewl." What else can we do? Just take it for what it is worth and move on.

This whole trip has been like that. I'm on my final week of traveling and to say I'm exhausted is a severe understatement. I'm ready to be home. But at the same time, I am so glad to be here with my beautiful friend Sarah, on the week of her wedding.

One major thing that I realized that God has been teaching me is about how he has blessed me. Every point in this trip he has shown me his goodness, faithfulness and love. But even more so, he has shown me how he has so richly blessed me in ways that I forget about and take for granted.

I have an incredible family that is caring, loving and so much fun.
I have the best bosses at the church.
I have awesome coworkers.
I have a running car.
I have phenomenal friends.
I have mega sweet Superman stuff.
I have a cell phone that I love.
I get the opportunity to travel.
And most importantly, I have Jesus.


These are just a few things that I know God has blessed me with, there are so many more. But what I tend to forget is how good I have it. As people, and as Americans, we are constantly looking for the next great thing. We are quick consumers. And we forget about the blessings we have. In Northern Ireland, I definitely gained perspective. I take so much of my life for granted, cause that is just how it has been.

The reality is, we need to thank God for the blessings he has given us. 

We need to thank him for the trials, because they develop perseverance. 

We need to thank him for our friends. 

We need to thank him for our families. 

Even a midst the craziness, there are things we can thank him for. 

My challenge to you is to thank God for the blessings in your life. 

If it is as simple as breathing, thank him for that. 

Cause you're still living. 

He's Moving in Mighty Ways

This week Kristen and I have been in Enniskillen with the local vineyard, The Lakes Vineyard, doing Love Enniskillen. This week is about serving the community in different ways. Every day has been filled with things to serve the community. We've been cleaning toilets, cleaning up people's gardens, cutting grass, washing people's car windows, healing on the streets and treasure hunting. We are not the only American's though. There is a group here of 20 Other American's on the World Race with Adventures in Missions. There is also a couple of locals staying with all plus at the rugby club. At the moment, I'm sitting near a place that has free wifi because I'm feeling rather sick. This is the only access to wifi we have had at all during the week. But boy have I been learning a lot. God is in this place, this city, these people. Yesterday, we had healing on the streets and there was major spiritual warfare. God want this city and the people, but the devil won't hand it over easily. We had some people accuse us of drinking while seeing, which was a blatant lie. We had a lady call a couple of our girls abominations because of wearing jeans an make-up. We had a battle on our hands coming from every direction. At one point, a man stood up that was not associated with your group start preaching fire, and brimstone. It was intense and in your face ad real life. We have had numerous people say no to prayer and yet, the power of God is with us. His presence is tangible, relatable and full of unconditional love. God is simply asking for obedience. We need this week as much as te people we're ministering do. What I have struck by is the community we have built within the group so quickly. There is a common purpose and bond that allows the fluency of our service to be easy. We are united in this and can take down the enemy, no matter what he throws our way. He is for us, not against us. He brings us to the point of trust with Him that is so inviting that we can't resist. He wants our obedience to Him so he can use us and bless us. It is simply amazing to see Him move.

Brain Blast!

Last night, I tried going to bed early. Alas, it did not work. I laid in bed for 2 and a half hours trying to get myself to sleep. My ritual is falling asleep while I pray. I've done this ever since I can remember. It's my time to process the day and just give it to God. As I was trying to do this, I got very angry because I wasn't able to go to sleep. Basically, I ranted about it and yelled at God. That means that today, I am very tired. I've already had two cups of coffee.

Today, Kristen and I are going to Enniskillen. From what I hear, it is a very wet place. Lots of rain! I cannot wait!! It's a week of serving the community, healing on the streets and treasure hunting. I'm super excited about it all. Then after that we're going to stay at a monastery.

Yesterday, I was talking to my friend Rachel :) She was telling me all about her life and what God was doing. She told me that she is going off for 2 months to 24/7 prayer. It sounds so awesome. I loved getting to talk to her after 4 years of not seeing her. We met for the first time when we were put on a team together serving for 2 weeks through Youth for Christ. Before I knew it, 2 and half hours had flown by and still had more to talk about!

One of the things that God spoke to me during that time was working in juvenile rehabilitation. BRAIN BLAST!!! I was so excited!! I haven't thought of this before and it's exactly what I want to do. I'm putting my degree into practice as well as working with youth. It's a great combination!! God gave me that insight and I can't wait to see what it is going to look like. Even if it's not where I will end up, I have some direction! Direction is what I have been waiting for, and God delivered just in the nick of time. :)

Wholly Yours

What is the opposite of writers block?
I'll describe it. It's when a person has far too much to say to put into coherent, easy to read words. It's to the point that one person should not be allowed to have that many thoughts floating around in their head. It's the concept that a person has been fighting whatever it is that needs sorting out but has only given up the fight recently.

Whenever God has something big to teach me, he graciously allows me to have time to fight back and not be taught. He stands on the sidelines waiting for me to listen to him. All the while, I struggle and sit and get frustrated. I choose to ignore the steady, calm, ever-present, unconditionally loving voice next to me asking for me to let him teach me. I've learned that it is a pattern for me.


The process has been taking place for a while now.
He's laid the foundation on so many occasions.
But it wasn't til I got here, to Northern Ireland, that I was ready to learn.
Then, even in the beginning of being here, I wouldn't hear of it.
I turned off my thoughts.
Just got frustrated.
And waited.
You know the end to this story, God wins.
God ALWAYS wins. 
And I am so glad he does.
I'm ready, Lord.
Fill me; teach me; move me; change me.
I am yours, wholly. 

Days

Each day brings new meaning.
Each day has it's own sunrise, sunset and high noon.
Each day is a gift from God.

The end of each day, for me, is a time to ponder the events of the day. The words said. The thoughts had, and the memories made. It is a time to reflect, to intercede and refocus.

I miss home. I've gotten to that point that I miss calling my mom everyday to talk about how my day went. I miss seeing my sister and brother and having witty banter with my dad. I miss going into work and seeing my pastors and fellow staff. I miss having my own car. I miss having a cell phone that I can use. I miss my mentor. I miss my friends. I miss home.

I was reading this book today about change. It talks about how change is inevitable. It happens all the time and you can always count on things changing. Whether it's the big things or the small things. For 2 1/2 more weeks, my world is changed. Then for a week and half after that...I'll be in the states but not home. Right now, change is temporary. I knew it was coming and it has been great. But as change comes, we cling to hold onto something that is constant. My constant is Jesus. He is all I need. He is who I turn to every night. Even when I am missing home, He is my strength.

Change is inevitable. 

What defines us is how we deal with the change. 

Will you run to Him?

24/7/365

Kristen's favorite little spot

Maybe that it's overcast.
Maybe it's that I just think too much.
Maybe it's cause God is doing a lot in me.

I think I'll go with the last reason. :)

The picture on your right is a little spot that Kristen pointed out to me right outside the Vineyard Centre. When you sit with your back against the tree, all you see is this. It's a vast field that's quite over grown.

The field is like the possibilities before me. I don't claim to be great at everything, but due to the opportunities God has blessed me with, I've done a number of different things. When I think about what is next, I often wonder what the next part of journey holds. Is it working with students? Is it getting a career job after I graduate? Is it randomly coming across a ton of money and not having to worry about money? I hope it is. But honestly, I have no clue. If you ask me what I'll be doing in three months, I will tell you that I don't know. And I can guarantee you that if you ask me in three months if I thought I'd be doing what I am doing, I'll tell you no. My dream and what God will do goes hand in hand. What is scary is the unknown.

Too often I see people choose to live safely because of their fear. What gets me is the people who think they have no fear...usually they have the most. I'll own up to it and tell you I have my own fears. But what I know is that God does not want us to live in fear. He says that perfect love casts out fear (1John 4:18).

The biggest thing I see God teaching me is how to live. Live with Him. The God of the Universe, who sent his son to die on the cross for MY sins and YOUR sins is right next to us. He is with us 24/7/365. That God that I serve is greater than anything else. When I fear, I tell him that He isn't enough. But more than that, I choose not to trust Him, I choose not to have faith that He is and always will be FAITHFUL.

THAT, my friends, is the challenge. Are you willing to die to yourself everyday and choose to trust? Trust God and let fear slip away. I will take up that challenge. And I pray that you will do the same. God is greater than we are. He is majestic and powerful. He is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. What do we have to fear? Nothing. :)

It is Good

See those two old ladies watching me? haha

Yesterday, we (Kristen, Cathy and I) went to the Titanic museum. I'm a little bit of a history buff and I loved it! Actually, at one point, I was going to get my degree in history. I just find the past fascinating. Anyways, the museum was awesome. I got to spend time with two lovely ladies and look at a world-renowned piece of history.

I also got to talk to my family on Skype yesterday as well as most of the people from work. It was so nice to see some friendly faces. :)

God has been teaching me so much while I'm here. It's mostly about myself. I find it particularly annoying, if I'm honest. All I wanted when I came here was God to give me direction for AFTER I graduated, not give me a life lesson on how I am. Not that I think I'm perfect, by any means. I know I am incredibly flawed, saved by grace and simply pursuing Christ. It's frustrating to have to learn all of these things that come to the surface when you have time. I have SO MUCH TIME. Compared to AZ, I'm just hanging out most of the time. This allows me to get more school work done in a timely manner, it allows me to rest, it gives me more time to hang out with Jesus and I get read a lot more. All of these things I love to do. It is just different. I'm okay with change, and things being different, but it takes me a while to adjust and adapt. That's my struggle over here. Don't get me wrong, I am doing things for the church and I'm seeing people. I'm doing a lot of walking and sightseeing. It's just different.

How do I tackle different? Jesus. Only way I have strength and courage to do it all. I miss being comfortable. Cause here, I am most definitely uncomfortable. I'm out of the comfort zone that I have been in. Which is good. It's right where I'm supposed to be. I know it. I wouldn't be here if God hadn't come through in the end with the last minute donations, and the money from the garage sale. I know it is God.

He's teaching me dependency. Dependency on him and him alone. I am a rather independent person. At least I think I am. I could be wrong. This trip, I depend on others for my transportation. Or I have to pay for it...on the train, or bus. (I love trains, like a LOT!) So it's not bad. And I depend on people for food, most of the time. I feel like God is showing me how to be dependent on Him, for everything. For what I say, what I do, how I talk, what I talk about, what I think about and how to love. It is almost like I'm starting completely over from scratch and figuring out newer, better ways to live with Jesus. In the end, that's good. And God is telling me the same thing. He's saying that this is good for me. So, I will be open to whatever more he has for me.

Be open to what God has for you. 

It may be unexpected and hard. 

But he says it is good.