Reality. It can hit you hard sometimes.

The cliche of Hollywood is that another actor or actress is going to have a stint in rehab, or they've started doing crack or something in the like. We always expect it to happen to them because they have so many problems bladdy bladdy blah.

But what I've been seeing as I grow up is that everyone has problems. There are so many things that we deal with on a regular basis and we choose to hold it inside. We look around at our friends and family and wonder what's so bad about their lives. Reality is, we all have our struggles. God didn't tell us life with him would be a walk in the park, no sirree, he told us that he would never leave us nor forsake us. We always have the strength to push past stuff, to run from temptation, to see the good in the seemingly horrible, because he is with us. I know, I know, you've heard it all before.

For me today, this was a reminder and a rejuvenation to my heart and soul. Do you know why? Because it means that my hardships are just as legitimate as yours. You and I have very different lives. We are different people. Regardless, your struggles were meant for you, and mine were meant for me.

The problem? Most of the time we judge people according to the problem they're going through. And more often than not, we think that it's "not as bad as it seems." Sad? Yeah, you should feel bad. How is that showing someone else compassion? It's not. Our job isn't to judge others issues, it's to show them love. To be an example of Christ to everyone we come in contact with. We're called to show grace like God gave his grace freely to us.

Each of us have struggles. We are given struggles, hardships, trials, whatever you call them...so that we cling to Jesus even more. A couple of days ago I was laying in bed thinking about this; the struggles I'm having and God brought Psalm 23 to mind.

The LORD is my shepherd;
         I shall not want.
 ² He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
         He leads me beside the still waters.
 ³ He restores my soul;
         He leads me in the paths of righteousness
         For His name’s sake.
        
 ⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
         I will fear no evil;
         For You are with me;
         Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
        
 ⁵ You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
         You anoint my head with oil;
         My cup runs over.
 ⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
         All the days of my life;
         And I will dwell^[a] in the house of the LORD
         Forever.
 Psalm 23

This is in New King James Version cause that how I memorized it when I first learned it. And I absolutely love the phrasing. Remember that God has got you, he loves you very much and he WILL protect you. 

Worship

A long time ago, I was talking with a friend about worship. We were comparing the type of worship we had at our churches; he sang hymns and I sang contemporary songs. He said it wasn't about the music, worship was about the heart. In my naive state of mind, I thought he was wrong. Ever since then, I've been striving for that to be my worship. It's not just about the music or the way it's played. It's the words that we sing.

There have been so many times during the praise and worship time at church, or college group or whatever that I just don't seem to get into the songs. But when I look outside of myself and just bask in the glory of Jesus, my heart isn't focused on anything besides him. And that's what worshiping is to me. Letting everything around me become invisible, and just sitting with my Savior. My eyes aren't looking around at other people, they are set on Jesus. Nothing else in the world matters at that moment.

That worship is is something I've had to learn. It wasn't taught to me, it was spoken, all those years ago, from a young man who simply knew how to worship. His worship impacted my life, even though he'll probably never know that.

Sing to the Lord, you saints of his; praise his holy name. 
Psalm 30:4

Every action, every thought, every thing, needs to be surrendered to Him. Worship is a lifestyle. It's choosing to not say something just because you want people to like you. It's making the choice to take every thought captive. It's choosing to love people when you don't want to. It's choosing to not scream at the driver that just cut you off. It's choosing to care, even when you don't feel cared for. Worship can be one of the most amazing things. If you allow yourself to fall away. To worship. But that looks different for each person. I encourage you to seek after God and find out what worship looks like for you. 

Beauty Will Rise

Beauty is so prevalent in each of our lives. Sometimes we choose not to see it, sometimes we see it but don't appreciate it, but more often than not we focus on ourselves and miss it altogether. When we take the time to look around and see the beauty that is all around us, we see it in every single thing. Every person is beautiful, whatever shape and size they are. Every tree, plant, even rock. It's not simply because of the physical aspect, it's the fact that it was created by God.

Pain is so prevalent in each of our lives. The type of pain may be different, but nonetheless, it's there. That pain can be so overwhelming that it can look like our saving grace. What it looks like and what it actually is, are two very different things. That "saving grace" can mean the end to the gift God has freely given you, life. Pain is not a thing to be dwelt upon, it can turn you bitter, sad, depressed and broken in so many places. But that pain can also be a thing to change how you live your life. For me, pain shows me how much more I need Jesus. Every experience that I know I can't handle, reminds me of how much I can't handle this life on my own.

I'm not usually one for songs speaking to me but there have been a couple this week where the lyrics really spoke to my heart.

Strong Enough by Matthew West

You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Oh, yeah

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Strong enough

Beauty Will Rise by Steven Curtis Chapman

It was the day the world went wrong
I screamed til my voice was gone
And watched through the tears as everything
Came crashing down

Slowly panic turns to pain
As we awake to what remains
And sift through the ashes
That are left behind

But buried deep beneath
All our broken dreams we have this hope

Out of these ashes beauty will rise
And we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning, beauty will rise

So take another breath for now
And let the tears come washing down
And if you can't believe, I will believe for you

Cause I have seen the signs of spring
Just watch and see

Out of these ashes beauty will rise
And we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning

I can hear it in the distance
And it's not too far away
It's the music and the laughter
Of a wedding and a feast
I can almost feel the hand of God
Reaching for my face to wipe the tears away
You say it's time to make everything new
Make it all new

This is our hope
This is a promise
This is our hope
This is a promise

It will take our breath away
To see the beauty that's been made
Out of the ashes, out of the ashes

It will take our breath away
To see the beauty that He's made
Out of the ashes, out of the ashes

Out of these ashes
Beauty will rise
And we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of this darkness
New light will shine
And we'll know the joy that's coming in the morning
In the morning
Beauty will rise

Oh, beauty will rise
Oh, oh, oh, beauty will rise
Oh, oh, oh, beauty will rise
Oh, oh, oh, beauty will rise
 

The italicized part of the songs are the lines that really spoke to my heart. So much of the time, I have to be the strong one. I have this idea that people need me to be that, and when I'm alone, then I can show my feelings. But for some reason, I forget that God don't give me more than I can handle with Him. He's so awesome to do that! We don't deserve it, but he tells us that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. And even in the pain, beauty will rise from the ashes. Those truths are enough to take my breath away.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. 
Matthew 11: 28-30

He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful. 
1 Corinthians 1:8-9 

Each of us have times in our lives, when we are overwhelmed, when we want to give up, when we want to give into the pain and let it be our "saving grace." In reality, our real saving grace, is Jesus Christ. He is the one that brings your beauty up from the ashes. Will you let him?

Here comes....Satan?

Well, there ya have it. Satan is at it again. Every time things seem to be looking up, he wants them to keep looking back down. The funny thing is, I can't even pinpoint the real issue here. I know all of the things he's poking at are just symptoms of a deeper issue. Too bad I don't know yet. Good thing God does.

I really don't understand why the week has been so rough. It started off fine enough. It's the week of school starting, the Basileia dance performance, and Monday was even a holiday. I was actually excited about it. CRASH! My excited faded as my week went from good to sour in literally an instant. I'm sure you don't want to hear about the horribleness of it, so instead I shall share with you the awesome things about it. I know, I know, my optimism is wonderful :)

But really. Let me tell you how God moved.

Monday I got to spend time with my family, which I haven't done in some time. I also got to eat eggies and tortillas, which is one of my favorite meals. It's a Lee family thing.
Tuesday I had off. I looked over my class stuff, since I'm taking it online. And I kinda freaked out. Okay, not really kinda. I majorly freaked out. But, because of that freak out I got to see my favorite mentor and her kids. Those kids are joy from God himself to me. I kid you not.
Wednesday rehearsals begin. Only 2 hours that day. Nothing particularly bad had happened that day, I was just tired already and it was hot.

I could go on but I'm getting bored reading this as I type it, which means I've probably put some of you to sleep. First, let me tell you a story. I'm prayer partners with one of the girls in the dance company and we agreed to pray every time before rehearsals this week. Let me interject for a moment and tell you that this has not been a "I want to love people" week. Anyways, Thursday rolls around and I have a headache. I asked her to pray for me. But she doesn't pray out loud. I knew this fact, yet I still asked her to pray. We talked for a couple minutes, and she fought it, of course. But she eventually gave in. And it wasn't just a 2 sentence prayer. She went on for like 8 sentences. This from the girl who says she doesn't pray out loud. I couldn't believe it. I was so proud of her. You don't even know. Even in my brokeness and wretched horrible humanness, God used me. It blows my mind. I still don't think he should be using me, but he did. He uses the weak. He humbled me. I am yours, Father. In the lowest of lows, he is my strength, my all, my love.

Thank you, Father. Amen.

Too Much

"I have a plan for you // I have a plan for you // 

It's gonna be wild// It's gonna be great // It's gonna be full of me"

For some reason, when we were singing this song on Sunday the part, "It's gonna be wild," really hit me. I don't think of God's plan for me being wild. I guess I should, as I've lived my life and it has been pretty wild thus far. But it just hit me. God doesn't have this boring, set plan for my life that I'm going to be disappointed with. He has a wild plan for me. 

It's gonna be wild. It won't be ordinary. It will be extraordinary. It won't be easy. But he'll give me strength. It won't be horrible. But it will feel like it sometimes. God's plan for you, is just the same. I don't care what you're dealing with right now, he's got a wild plan for you. Are you willing to experience the freedom that he wants to give you though? I forget about the freedom that he wants to give me. 

"Being bound in Satan is bondage, being bound in Christ is freedom"

So true. I want to be all wrapped up in Christ and experience the freedom that he desires to bless me with. He wants to lavish us with Himself. But we cling to our wounds, our pain, our bonds. But God tells us in His Word...

"For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters.
But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love."
Galatians 5:13