Inability

I really and truly do not understand humans. Most of the time, I can't even understand myself. We had a guest speaker at college group last night, who has spoken to us before. The man throws down. Like you can see the Spirit speaking through him. It was so great to hear him. 

Yesterday was rough. I spent all day doing homework and trying to recuperate. My stress level has been extremely high lately, and I just needed some down time. And what better way to do that when I'm house sitting. But I knew that if I went to college group, God had some words for me to hear...and they were not going to be pleasant. I knew conviction would come, and come it sure did.

We've been going through Luke for the past few months. This week we were on chapter 10. One of my struggles lately has been feeling like I'm not good enough. (If you saw my last post, Enough, you can read more about that there and the truth that God brings in it.) The speaker was saying that so often, we think that we have to some great person to be a disciple of Jesus. We have to have it all together and know what the future holds. But that's simply not the case. God spoke very clearly to me in that moment, he said
                  Bre, you can't have expectations too high for yourself.
"But Lord," I replied, "I have to, or no one else will. I have to hold myself accountable to be the best I can be."
                  No, I'll take care of that. Just let go. Let me have control. 

 Northern Ireland missions trip (2008)

 The speaker went on to say that sometimes we want to be in the most comfortable place so we can have maximum control. Then we freak out cause we lose control. Pastor Paul always talks about how we need to "figure it out." That's his catch phrase. There are shirts. And yes, I have one. People ask him why he says it and he says, "figure it out." What I think he's saying though, is not to just figure it out on our own, but figure it out with God. We are incapable of figuring things out on our own. It's only through God that we can do that. I don't know about you, but the greatest things in my life have happened when I have let go. The speaker then gave us the example of a missions trip. When we go on a missions trip we literally have no control over any situation. We have to give control to God, because the trip is not in our area of comfort.

When we judge people, we are attempting to be God.
When we try to control, we are attempting to be God.

That is one of the biggest insults to God that we can make. I do this all the time. I suck. Thank God, he extends grace and love. This is not the intention of my heart, but I do it anyways. My battle with this sin is ever present and raging.

This week has been hard and at every turn, I just feel like a mess. The shame and guilt that has been my constant companion, is not from my Father. He reaches down and picks me up and carries me along the beach. This journey that you and I are on with Christ, is not one that is walked alone. No, my friends, it is meant to be walked together. As we grow in relationship with Christ, we have to lean on God for understanding. He is the only way we can know him better. It's crazy and it doesn't fully make sense. Regardless, we just need more Jesus. In every situation, we need Jesus. That's it.

It's also been a hard week in loving people. If you've ever met me, you know that that is my goal, to make everyone feel the love of God. This was what God showed me...

My inability to love people stems from 

the inability to love God

and be loved by God.

 
What a humbling moment that was. Is this what your heart is feeling right now? I encourage you to examine your heart and allow God to speak to you. He will show you what needs to be changed. But you have to have an open heart and open ears to see and hear how he wants you to change.

Seek Jesus. 

Run to Him. 

Let him guide you. 

Let him have control. 

He'll do a WAYYYYY better job that you can do.