You just can't be everything to everyone.

Sadly, this took me a looooong time to figure out.


I'm tired of people making me feel guilty for the things I can't do, or be.
I'm tired of people expecting something and then not giving grace.
I'm tired of trying to be the person that does everything.
I'm tired of feeling expectations that may not be existent.
I'm just tired...of trying to be perfect.
Even when that's not what anyone expects of me.
It's my expectations of myself.

There you have it. I want to be so many things to all people. I can't. I fail miserably. But my God redeems. My God is God of the Universe. He chose me. He loves me. He loves that I talk to myself about how I was right. He loves that I hate feet. He loves the way I relate to people. He loves me when I fail. He loves me when I sin. He loves me unconditionally, all the time. He loves me when I don't deserve it. He loves me as I'm over analyzing something. He loves me when all I want to do is cry. He loves my enthusiasm. He is full of grace. He is FULL of grace for me. He just loves. All the time. And the only reason is that...

 I'm His. I'm His. I'm His. 

When that security is what I rest in, I'm free. I am free to live and breathe and sing and dance for my King. That freedom is unmatched by anything else in the world. I just have to remember that every day. I love it. Go God. 

Rhythm and Balance

Rhythm: an ordered recurrent alternation of strong and weak elements in the flow of sound and silence in speech

Balance: stability produced by even distribution of weight on each side of the vertical axis

Music. Tight rope walkers. Justice. Dancing. Keeping time. Unison. Gymnastics. 

There are about a billion other things I'm sure you can think of when you hear the two words rhythm and balance together. But those are the ones that come to my mind. At college group on Thursday we went through the first chapter of Genesis. I know what you're thinking, oh Genesis...yay, what a great beginning. Then you move one. Well, honestly, that's what I think about it as well. It never really moved me the way the beginning of say, a movie, would. It's a start to the world as it is. But unlike the history of the world, I don't think of it like history. A story of the past. I think of it of another time. Another place, long ago, with very little relevance to me. But my college pastor's wife was saying that the way God created things is about rhythm and balance. She went on to explain more about how God intended us to be balanced and rhythmic, but we, as humans, are not. 

And of course, this got me thinking. She asked us what reading that passage was like for us, if there was anything that popped out at us when we heard it read and had the perspective of God creating a rhythm and balance. You know what I thought...boring. Having rhythm and balance sounds uninteresting. I'm just being honest here, so bare with me. I continued on this train of thought for a while. What it would be like to be in complete rhythm and balance in our lives. No emotional highs or lows, no drama, steady, and outright boring. But truly, what do I know? My life is hardly rhythmic or balanced. I like it that way. There are highs and lows and they bring me closer to my King every single moment of every day. How could that be the case if there was perfect rhythm and balance every day. But then I understood that I missed the point. God intended for us to look to him to be the rhythm and balance in our life. Now granted, this was only the first time that she'd spoken on this topic and we have weeks yet to come. Then I kept thinking about how opposites attract, whether it be in relationships or friendships. Those opposites attract because we DESIRE to have rhythm and balance. Think about it. 

How often to do think of yourself wanting that? 

How often do you think God wants you to run to Him for that? 

Performance

I don't even know where to start. I could go back a really long time, 

or just a short amount of time. 

Well, I'll just start and see where it takes me. 

So last weekend I went to Virginia for Miss Lydia's birthday party. I had been wanting to go for about a month and a half beforehand but I was waiting to see if one of my friends was gonna be able to go. Which means that I didn't buy my ticket and just waited to see if I was going to go. My friend tells me that's she's gonna go and that I need to buy a ticket out there. But me being me, I didn't buy one cause they were already like $330 and for some reason I thought they were going to go down in price. Yeah, stupid Bre. But hey, I'm a college student. It's hard to spend large sums of money. And yes, that's large to me. 


For 2 and a half weeks I pray. I pray that God will provide me a ticket. Meanwhile, I'm checking online literally everyday watching the price for this ticket. The one ticket that can take me where I know God wants me to be. I pray hard. And I believe. I have the utmost faith that will provide. Because all this semester, God has shown me his provision in a new way. Honestly, I think that moving out of your parents house is the best thing to help any person understand God's provision.   If you don't know fully how he provides, believe that he is going to do the impossible. 


Anyways, I've been praying for 2 and a half weeks and I've told numerous people about trying to find a ticket and not knowing where it was gonna come from. Then on Wednesday morning, my big brother (from Grove Coffee (come check us out!)) tells me that he can get me a stand by ticket. And it's only gonna cost me $196 and change. Low and behold. God provided me a ticket within 2 days of when I was supposed to be leaving for VA. That's how good my God is. He provides for me in a way that is ridiculously awesome. Plus he knows I needed to get away for the weekend. 


And I had a marvelous time. Not only was it great to see some of my best friends, but God just met me there. We had such a great time of revelation and refreshment. I just can't begin to understand God's love for me, but it's there. And it's constant. It's all the time. His love is full of grace. 


Grace. That's what I forget about. My mind is so focused on being the best, doing the best, living a life full of Christ. Getting A's in school. That's where my identity can lie. I'm pretty sure it's a first born thing. But it's also a Bre thing. Or as some call it, a Breism. Yup, I just went there. But God is so good. And he just showed me how much he wants me to live in his grace. His grace is the reason that we're saved. Grace. Grace. Grace. 


For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith -- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. 

                                                                            Ephesians 2:8-10

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 

Ephesians 3:17-19

Then the second part of that grace is living in love. This verse above was PERFECT for that. I wish I could understand fully the depth of God's love. But I don't think I ever will. But I know that I am loved, that is something I live in every day. The love that God shows us is so vast and unexplainable. When I think about it, it blows my mind. To bits. Go God!

Do you live in God's unconditional love? 

If not, how come?

Ask God to change you're heart. 

To help you live in his unfathomable love. 

Cause it's magnificent.

Lately...

It's funny how God teaches us things. 

Seriously. He is so precise for each one of us. I can't even understand how, but he knows each one of us in the most personal, intimate way that one person can know someone. And even more so because He's God. Every person that I pass in the hallway at school has a story. And God knows it, and their name, and what they'll do, and how they'll do it. Every person that we don't know, has a story. They have a reason for how they operate, what they say and how the look at others. Sometimes it just fascinates me to think of that stuff. I just sit and stare and wonder. Yes, I'm that person.

What blows my mind is that He gets excited to just talk to us. 

I don't know what to do. 

Like, I get excited about stuff. 

And people can't handle it, most of the time. 

But, if God gets even more excited than me then 

that gets me excited! 

It should get all of us excited. 

I mean really. 

God LOVES that we talk to Him. 

You know what that makes me want to do?

Talk to Him more. 

Don't you?

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances;

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Some Amazing God-breathed Words

Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; 
you have made my lot secure. 
Psalm 16:5

Know that the Lord is God. 

It is he who made us, we are His; 

we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Psalm 100:3 

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble. 
Psalm 46:1

The Lord gives strength to the weary 

and increases the power of the weak. 

Isaiah 40:29

...and you have been given fullness in Christ, 

who is the head over every power and authority. 

Colossians 2:10

Jesus replied, 

"What is impossible with men is possible with God."

Luke 18:27

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering,

as though something strange were happening to you. 

But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ,

so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.  

1 Peter 4:12-13

Seek good, not evil, that you may live.

Then the Lord Almighty will be with you, 

just as you say he is.

Hate evil, love good;

maintain justice in the courts.

Perhaps the Lord God Almighty will 

have mercy on the remnant of Joseph.

Amos 5:14-15

 Oh my strength, I watch for you;

you, O God, are my fortress,

my loving God. 

Psalm 59:9-10a

But let justice roll on like a river,

righteousness like a never-failing stream. 

Amos 5:24

But I will sing of your strength,

in the morning I will sing of your love,

you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. 

Psalm 59:16

Search me, O God,

and know my heart;

test me and know 

my anxious thoughts. 

Psalm 139:23

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you, I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good spirit lead me on level ground. 

Psalm 143:8-10

Sometimes I wonder how much good we're really doing on this earth.
How God is using us.
What impact He is making through us.
Yes, I do think on these things

Then there's the whole people subject.

Maybe I'm strange but I have a sort of love/hate thing with people. 

Not specific ones really.

Just in general. 

But then I think,

How would Jesus look at them?

And I catch myself looking at them through his eyes

doing a double take, 

and understanding that He,

the Creator of the Universe,

loves them. 

So why shouldn't I?

Yup, you got it. 

Cause I suck, I'm human. 

Thankfully, my saving grace, 

is Him. 

Thank you, Father. 

Irony

It's funny, cause the last blog I wrote about was being grateful.
Now, I'm on the other end.


God always likes to throw us curve balls when we least expect it. Sometimes, it's little things, like you need gas, or your computer is giving you problems, or a friend freaks out for no apparent reason. Whatever the little thing is, it usually turns out fine. No harm, no foul. But it's those big things that always end up testing us. It is the thing that no one, not even you expected, but there it is, plain as day. Who could possibly know what to do? 

Then you remember that you have God. 

Not only is He there, but He's the one that orchestrated this whole thing to happen. 

And you think, "Wait, God KNEW this was going to happen."

Yup, He sure did. He knew every little detail that you couldn't spot if you tried. 

He's God. 

He knows. 

So obviously, there's got to be SOME good reason that all of this is going on. 

I have no clue what it is, or what I'm supposed to be learning from it. 

But I do know this. 

My God is great. 

My God is good. 

And He has a plan. 

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 

which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:10 

I TRY God. I really try to understand, to comprehend where you're headed. 

I asked you for a job on Sunday. 

On Thursday I was offered one. 

I ask you for direction. 

And you send me this?

Are you also teaching me humility? 

Are you teaching me perseverance?

Are you teaching me to just trust you?

Please tell me. 

I just can't seem to get it. 

__________________________________________________________________________________

I Cry Out

I cry out for your hand of mercy to heal me

I am weak and I need your love to heal me

Oh Lord, my Rock, my strength in weakness

Come rescue me, Oh Lord

You are my hope, Your promise never fails me

And my desire is to follow You forever

For You are good, for You are good

For You are good to me

For You are good, for You are good

For You are good to me